For his whole life Adrian says he has felt like a ‘bad person’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Adrian describes how he has lived for more than 40 years with the effects of sexual abuse perpetrated by a teacher.
He remarks that his parents were ‘private individuals’ who believed ‘teachers should always be respected’, and he felt that he could not say anything about what was happening to him.
Adrian recounts that he had difficulties adjusting to the move from a small prep school to a large comprehensive, and he began truanting. One evening, a teacher at Adrian’s school visited the family home at the request of his parents.
Adrian was asked by his parents if he would speak to him, and when he agreed Adrian and his teacher went to his bedroom. They sat on the bed close together and the teacher asked Adrian to perform a sex act on him. Adrian, who was 11 years old, did not understand what was happening but did as he was told.
Shortly after, his abuser invited Adrian to his home on a Saturday morning. The teacher would also regularly summon Adrian to his office at school. He sexually abused Adrian in both locations, for about a year. On another occasion, both of Adrian’s parents were in hospital and Adrian was sent to stay with his abuser for a couple of weeks.
He believes that people at the school knew about the abuse, but ‘turned a blind eye’.
Once, he told the headmaster of the school what his teacher was doing but the headmaster’s only response was to cane him.
Adrian’s problems and truanting continued so he began seeing a psychologist and a social worker. At the age of 12 he was taken into care. He says he was ‘considered unsuitable’ to live with his family, which included four brothers and sisters, some of whom attended the same school as him.
Towards the end of that year, the meetings with his abuser tapered off but Adrian continued to have fleeting contact with him.
Adrian describes how, in later years, he wondered how many other children the teacher had been able to manipulate and abuse owing to his position of responsibility. He thought it likely that the teacher was always listening out for a vulnerable child in trouble so that he could take advantage of the situation. He felt angry that his abuser had taught for many years and that the teacher abused the trust of his parents.
Some time later, he wrote to the school on three occasions about the teacher. The school acknowledged his first letter and said it would be passed to the child protection team, but he received no further response to that, or to his other letters.
Adrian says he didn’t want to contact the police because he thought he would not be listened to about abuse that had happened more than 40 years ago. But he did contact a support network for victims and survivors of child sexual abuse online, and this resulted in him deciding to report the abuse to the police.
He describes the police response as ‘amazing; very quick and non-judgemental.’
He says he ‘felt that a burden had been lifted’.
Adrian discovered that his abuser was convicted and sent to prison several years ago and is currently in custody having been charged for several against children. He is waiting to learn more about this.
He describes the multiple consequences of sexual abuse that have affected his life for decades. The abuse had a huge impact on his schooling; he did not want to attend because as he did not want to see his abuser, but he was punished for truanting, called a liar and caned when he tried to report it.
When he left school, he joined the Army to try to get his life on track, but he was discharged because he was gay. He did not want to contact the police while his parents were alive because he did not want them to feel responsible or guilty.
He says he felt ‘non-human; a non-citizen’.
Despite the adversity he has faced, Adrian now works with vulnerable members of society. He feels he is giving something back and has an opportunity to understand and help others.
Adrian says that he would like to talk about the multiple impacts the sexual abuse has had on his life.
Adrian believes that schools should not to give the constant message to a child that they are bad and not worth anything and schools should be accepting their obligation to deal effectively with cases of CSA reported to them and taking action promptly.