When Nadiya’s mother realised her husband was sexually abusing Nadiya, she hit her
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Nadiya’s father sexually abused and raped her over a period of 13 years.
She wanted to report him when she got older, but her family pressured her not to.
Nadiya and her family came to the UK from South Asia when she was a small child.
She thinks she was about four or five years old when her father began to sexually abuse her. She remembers him touching her while he was looking at what she now knows was a pornographic magazine. He told her not to tell anyone.
She remembers her mother seeing what was happening, but says ‘instead of shouting at him, she started slapping me’.
Nadiya’s dad would sometimes order her to bring a friend home from the mosque when her mum was at work. He would tell her sibling to leave the house then take Nadiya’s friend upstairs. Nadiya had to stay downstairs.
When her mum heard about this, she hit Nadiya again, so Nadiya says ‘I learned’ and she made excuses from then on why her friend could not come home.
For a time, Nadiya’s father left the country and this gave her some respite from being abused. But when he returned, sexual abuse escalated to rape. She thinks she was about 10 years old at the time, because she had not yet started secondary school.
He was also physically violent towards her, and her mother. Nadiya says the whole family was frightened of him. As she got older, she threatened to report him, but her family would persuade her not to.
Shortly after the first time he raped her, Nadiya became pregnant and was taken by her parents to have an abortion. She had no idea what was happening – she remembers she was wearing ankle socks and someone commenting on how little she was.
Nadiya remembers being taken to see a doctor by her mother, who told the doctor that her husband was sexually abusing Nadiya. The doctor asked Nadiya if this was true and she confirmed it. This was reported to social services and Nadiya recalls them talking to her.
She thinks her mum must have changed her mind about wanting to report the abuse, because she later told Nadiya she should not talk about it. Nadiya obeyed and began to deny it.
When she was about 14, Nadiya was treated in hospital for a sexually transmitted infection, but she does not remember anyone asking her how she got this. Nadiya knows that her family explained it away, and she thinks they gave false dates of birth and false names to health professionals.
After news coverage of abuse by Jimmy Savile, Nadiya decided to report the abuse she had suffered to the police. She says they believed her and made enquiries, but they could not find records of the abortion and her GP notes showed no record of her disclosure.
Her father was interviewed but denied everything. The police said that there was not enough evidence to take the case further, but referred her to a service specialising in rape and sexual violence. Nadiya says this was very helpful.
The impact of the abuse on Nadiya has been significant. She has struggled with anger, and suffers from depression and PTSD. She has difficulty forming intimate and trusting relationships with men.
Nadiya believes that adults in positions of responsibility, including parents and professionals, should create an atmosphere of trust that allows children to disclose problems and ask questions.
She also feels that mosques and other places of worship should keep a close eye on children and ask questions if children frequently change their place of worship, as she did.
Nadiya is now happily married and has no contact with her birth family.