Tessa

Tessa was brought up in the 1960s and 70s in a middle-class family and she was sent to boarding school, where she was manipulated and sexually abused by a female teacher with a powerful and unstable personality. 

At primary school, Tessa and other children were subjected to inappropriate physical contact by a male teacher. She remembers the shame and humiliation she felt at the things he did, and says she often came out of school in tears. Her mother did not ask what was wrong. 

When she was 11 years old, Tessa was sent to boarding school. She describes this as a massive culture shock. She was a sensitive and imaginative child who loved being outdoors in the countryside, and she found herself in a harsh environment where corporal punishment was randomly meted out. 

In her second year at school, Tessa had a house mistress called Belinda who appeared like a breath of fresh air in the oppressive regime. She describes how charismatic and different Belinda seemed, ‘not a tired severe woman like the others’. This teacher was exciting and subversive, she called the other mistresses boring and was prepared to break the rules. 

Belinda particularly favoured three girls, including Tessa, who became her ‘inner circle’. Tessa explains how much she ‘wanted and needed’ to be part of this select group – it appealed to her need to be loved. Soon, she became Belinda’s main confidante, which made her feel ‘special beyond measure’. 

The house mistress gradually extended this grooming process. She had elaborate supernatural beliefs, and delusions of persecution. She drew Tessa into her fantasies and Tessa now realises that Belinda brainwashed her and altered her perception of reality. 

Belinda described them as ‘two halves of one soul’ who were in danger from dark forces. This made it easy to convince Tessa that she should stay in Belinda’s room at night, in her bed. This led to inappropriate touching by Belinda, and then to a ‘full blown sexual relationship’ with her. Tessa was in her early teens when this began.

Tessa says that she ‘loved Belinda with all her heart’. She saw her as her true mother and saw nothing wrong with the fact it was a sexual relationship. It continued for three years and Tessa does not remember much about the rest of her life at school during this time, except that she was always tired and would fall asleep in class.

Even during school holidays, the house mistress controlled and manipulated Tessa, writing her love letters and being highly critical of her parents. Tessa says it never occurred to her to talk to her parents about Belinda’s behaviour.

However, Tessa’s parents found one of Belinda’s letters. Tessa wonders if subconsciously she left it for them to find. Her parents took the letter to the school, and Belinda was made to leave. She took up a post at another school nearby. 

But this was not the end of the relationship. Belinda kept writing to Tessa and they met regularly. The sexual relationship continued and became more intense and volatile.