Caryl’s father said to her ‘There’s no point you telling anyone … no one’s going to believe you’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Caryl was sexually abused by her father, who was a religious preacher and respected in the community.
When senior members of the religious group were told about his behaviour by her mother, the only action they took was to stop him working in the youth club.
Caryl’s father was a powerful man who had a professional occupation as well as having standing in the church and local area. Behind the scenes, she says, he had a number of affairs and was emotionally abusive towards her mother.
He began sexually abusing Caryl when she was nine years old.
Caryl describes how her father controlled her. ‘I was instilled with a lot of fear … I was constantly told if I told anyone I would never see my mum again … I was in fear all the time about what would happen if I told anyone.’
When she was in her early teens, Caryl started making noises whenever her father came into her room, in the hope that her mother would do something. The tactic worked, because he sexually abused her less frequently, until she was allowed to have a lock on her bedroom and the abuse stopped altogether.
For a few years, Caryl did not speak about the abuse. She says ‘There was no Childline or anyone I could confide in and I was still absolutely terrified I would be taken away from my family’.
But when she was 16, during an argument, Caryl told her mother about the abuse.
Caryl’s father admitted what he had done, but, she relates, ‘His perception was that God had forgiven him, therefore everybody else should, so it kind of got swept under the carpet’.
Her parents stayed together, so Caryl had to go on seeing her father for years after the abuse ended.
Caryl says she became ‘promiscuous’ as a teenager and went through a ‘destructive’ phase. She left school without taking any exams and left home soon after.
Caryl experiences flashbacks and nightmares, and has difficulty sleeping. She says she is unable to sustain a relationship and has chosen physically abusive partners. When she gave birth she decided she didn’t want any of her children to have contact with her father.
Caryl still feels let down, angry and upset by the church's response to her mother’s report. She feels strongly they should have done more to protect children.
She would like a network of ‘safe places’ to be set up where children know they can speak out in safety. She adds that children need to be reassured that if they report abuse, nothing bad will happen to them.
Caryl has had counselling and says that this has validated her experience, which has been important to her.