Dayna describes a ‘crashing realisation’ that she had been groomed and abused by a teacher
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A male teacher at Dayna’s school was allowed to take girls on numerous unofficial overnight trips.
Many of the girls were infatuated with him, and he took advantage of this to sexually abuse them.
Dayna attended a girls’ school. One of the teachers, Conner, was seen as ‘cool’ and was very popular with the girls.
This man organised frequent coach outings for groups of pupils; some of them days trips but more often involving overnight stays. Dayna says the trips were sanctioned by the school, but not actually part of school activities.
Dayna was 13 the first time she went on one of these trips. She describes how it was widely known that Conner was behaving inappropriately. Among the girls, she says, ‘It was understood he would pick and choose who he wanted to get off with … he was always under the sheets with one girl or another’.
She explains how she adored Conner. ‘I was obsessed … completely in love with him … I wanted his attention’, but adds that for a long time, he ‘overlooked’ her.
But on one overnight stay, Conner began showing an interest in Dayna. He was sleeping next to her in a room full of people, and put his hands in her sleeping bag and digitally penetrated her.
Some time later, she was at Conner’s house on a sleepover with a group of schoolchildren and he sexually abused her again. He then asked her if she wanted him to ‘make love’ to her. She says that at this point she felt her emotions towards him changing, and she thought ‘I can do better than this’.
Looking back, Dayna suspects that Conner asked her the question so that he would be able to claim the sex was consensual. She was 15 at the time, and she says it was known he had a ‘policy’ not to have sex with anyone under 16.
Dayna said no to Conner, and after this he began pursuing her, sending her notes at school. She did not respond.
Around this time, one of the other pupils told her mother about Conner’s behaviour, and the headteacher was involved. Dayna remembers her parents being very upset and asking if anything had happened to her, but she denied it.
She says she would not have felt able to discuss sex with her mother, and she adds, ‘It’s taken me a long time to realise I wasn’t as mature as I thought I was back then … for a lot of years I thought I was in control but it was only when I was older I understood we were children’.
Dayna feels the abuse has had some very negative impacts on her. She says ‘It has irreparably changed my relationship with sex and my idea of how affection should be shown’.
She thinks her experience has made her dismissive of romance and love, and as a result she has treated people badly.
She has been diagnosed with a mental health condition and describes having a ‘crashing realisation that it wasn't a relationship ... I was groomed as a child’.
She adds that she feels embarrassed and bad about not reporting the sexual abuse.
Over three years, Dayna went on about 10 outings organised by Conner. She says ‘It is beyond bizarre we were allowed to go on these trips … he was a complete renegade. He had no boundaries’.
She thinks it might have helped if there had been education at her school about child sexual abuse, and an adult the pupils could have talked to.
Dayna went on to higher education and did well academically. She says ‘I’ve never seen myself as a victim, but I decided I wanted to tell my story’.