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IICSA published its final Report in October 2022. This website was last updated in January 2023.

Mirele

Mirele

Mirele says ‘I’ve had a rocky road all through my life … but now I feel I want to help others’

All names and identifying details have been changed.

Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.

Mirele has survived the ordeal of being sexually abused and the long-lasting impacts it had on her mental health.

She now hopes to become a counsellor and support other people who have had similar experiences.

Mirele has clear memories of being sexually abused by her father between the ages of nine and 13, but she wonders if it began when she was younger. 

She now knows that when she was a toddler her mum took her to the doctor. Mirele had sore genitals and her mum was suspicious that Mirele ‘had been played with’, but the GP did not seem concerned.

Some time after, Mirele’s parents separated and fought each other for custody of her. Her father tried to abduct her but was eventually awarded weekend access. 

Mirele remembers that she would have nightmares when she stayed with her father and would get into his bed with him. When he thought she was asleep, he would touch her between her legs and ‘do unspeakable things’.  

She says ‘I didn’t know what to do … I froze. I was too scared to let him know I was awake’.

The abuse went on for four years. Mirele says that by the age of 13, she had started to play up with her mum before she was due to visit her dad, and her mum recognised she didn’t want to go. Then some of Mirele’s relatives heard her make a comment and realised she had knowledge of sex that was innapropriate for her age. 

The police were called and Mirele disclosed what had been happening. Her father was charged.

During the court case, at one stage Mirele was put in the same room as her father and he gave her money to buy some sweets.  

During the hearing, Mirele was asked if she wanted her father to go to prison. Frightened and confused, she said no. She says she had no idea of the significance of what had happened and feels angry that she was asked that as a child.

Her father was put on the sex offenders register but did not go to prison.  

After the court case, Mirele’s father continued to have contact with her. He would wait for her near the school and encourage her to skip lessons. He bought her cigarettes and talked to her about the abuse. He manipulated her into thinking that what had taken place had been her fault.

She recalls ‘Before I knew it, I was sat there saying “It wasn’t your fault dad, I shouldn’t have got into bed with you”’. 

Mirele became moody, anxious and extremely depressed. She was disruptive at school, and was eventually expelled. She was referred for counselling but says it was not tailored for someone her age. ‘I didn’t know how to speak about it, I was 13. I went into the room and I froze.’ She was not offered any more sessions. 

She began drinking heavily and taking drugs. By the time she was a young adult, she was having regular blackouts. She entered into an abusive relationship with an older man. Her family relationships were damaged by the court case and remained fractured for years.

She suffers with feelings of shame, flashbacks and anxiety, and has self-harmed and tried to take her own life.

Mirele says ‘Having a child was my turning point’. She stopped drinking and taking drugs and completed a course of counselling that gave her an insight into her behaviour. She says ‘I can recognise the strengths in me now, not the weaknesses’. 

However, she has not always felt well-supported by social services, and says she feels she is ‘seen as a problem person, rather than a person who has had some problems’. 

Mirele stresses the importance of protecting victims and survivors during and after court cases, and providing age-appropriate counselling.  

She has gained a professional qualification and is also interested in becoming a counsellor. She says ‘I like helping and it makes me feel better if something positive can come out of this’.

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