Theon says that the more child sexual abuse is talked about, the better
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Theon was groomed and sexually abused by two different men who had authority over him.
He believes there are particular dangers for children who are brought up in authoritarian environments.
Theon joined the cadets when he was 11 years old and attended twice a week.
He describes it as a male-dominated world of ‘hierarchy, a bit of bullying, casual racism, violence’. He adds that the leaders set the tone and there was a culture of not complaining. He says it was ‘survival of the fittest … if you fit in you get advanced, if you don’t you get bullied’.
Theon was soon promoted and allowed to serve drinks to VIPs at cadet functions when he was in his early teens. He also used to go on outings and weekend trips.
Through the commander’s connections with the arts, Theon met some well-known performers. The commander took him to clubs, pubs and parties in the city and gave him alcohol. He says he became more and more involved in the ‘commander’s world’ and the cadets became his life, like another family.
On an overnight stay after one event, the commander sexually abused Theon. He explains that he didn’t want to tell anyone as he felt he would let ‘the family’ down if he left cadets. He describes ‘the low level feeling you had to do what you were told’.
Theon left the cadets when he was 19, but the Commander tried to stay in touch.
Years later, Theon talked to others who had been in the cadets. He says ‘none of us knew it was happening to anyone else’.
At the same time that Theon was being groomed and abused in the cadets, he was also being groomed by a teacher at his school, Mr Baker. The teacher was acting as a sort of mentor to Theon, and looking back, Theon thinks this was part of gaining his trust.
Mr Baker took Theon out for lunch and other outings. Theon says he found him inspirational and wanted to impress him. Over time, he became ‘besotted’ with the teacher. ‘He was everything I wanted to be’, says Theon.
On the day Theon was leaving school he was in the car with Mr Baker, when the teacher pulled into a layby and sexually abused him. Theon ran away. He says ‘it felt like an awful betrayal’. He never spoke to the teacher again.
Theon is still trying to manage his feelings about how these men could do what they did, and get away with the trauma and harm they caused. He suffers with disturbed sleep and sometimes wakes up crying. He does not trust authority.
Theon believes it is very important to look at the reasons for child sexual abuse and grooming. He adds that children who are brought up in an authoritarian environment are more likely to be abused, and that people who hold power need to be challenged.