Aisling says the teacher who sexually abused her ‘used my vulnerability and the fact I wasn’t popular’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Aisling’s headteacher gave her extra reading lessons and pretended he thought her opinions were important.
In fact, he was grooming her for sexual abuse.
Aisling grew up in a rural community and went to the local school. She had a physical impairment and a learning disability, which meant she struggled with reading and writing. There was little understanding of this in the 1970s. ‘Back then, children were seen and not heard’ she says. She says that she was labelled a ‘dunce’ and was bullied by the other children.
When Aisling was nine years old, the headteacher, Mr Smith, began giving her one-to-one reading lessons in his office. She would stand next to him and read aloud.
Afterwards, Mr Smith would talk to her about her interest in crafts and his plans to create a new art room in the school.
Aisling says she was very excited about this, and the fact that Mr Smith asked for her views on his plan ‘made me feel very important … it improved my status in the classroom’. She comments ‘I think children who are bullied are more susceptible, because the predators only have to pay you attention and make you feel special’.
One day when Aisling went to Mr Smith’s room to read, he put his hand on her leg and then moved it higher. Aisling says ‘I didn’t understand what he was doing; it didn’t seem right’. She knew it made her feel very uncomfortable but she did not know how to deal with it. She froze and tried to ignore what the teacher was doing. She says ‘I don’t know why I didn’t run away’.
Over the following weeks, Mr Smith continued abusing Aisling. She says she hated what he was doing and didn’t want to go to the reading lessons, but didn’t feel she had a choice.
The headteacher bought a games table for the school, and again, he made Aisling feel important when he selected her as one of the children allowed to play on it.
One day when she went to a reading lesson with Mr Smith, as she started to read he pulled down her pants. ‘All I could do was concentrate on my book’ she says, but she was so shocked she couldn’t read the words. Instead, she made them up, she was so anxious to finish and get out of the room. ‘I just wanted it to be over.’
But Mr Smith pulled her onto his lap. She remembers him bouncing her up and down and feeling intense pain. When he finished, he put Aisling’s pants back on her and she went back to her class. Later that day, Mr Smith talked to her about the art room as though nothing had happened.
A few days later, Aisling’s class teacher asked her if there was anything wrong. Looking back, Aisling thinks the teacher must have seen she was troubled about something, but she didn’t feel able to say what had happened.
Mr Smith sexually abused Aisling many more times, but she doesn’t know how many, or how long it went on for. One way she tried to cope with the abuse was overeating and gaining weight.
She did not speak about the abuse until she was an adult and it came out in a family conversation. She decided to report it to the police.
Unfortunately, Aisling says, the police did not handle the report well. Aisling heard nothing from them after she made the complaint. She called the investigating officer, who told her the police had spoken to Mr Smith and would not be taking any further action. They did not give Aisling any explanation for this, or offer her any counselling or support.
She found out that two more victims had come forward and given a statement. Aisling feels very angry that no action was taken, Mr Smith was allowed to carry on teaching, and that he was still held in high regard by the local community.
Aisling says she has lived through ‘years of distress’. She hated school and was only able to return to education recently. However, she still cannot bring herself to read any books.
She struggles with feelings of fear, self-blame, guilt and shame. She has an eating disorder and has had suicidal thoughts. She believes that her childhood experiences left her vulnerable to further abuse in her adult life. ‘I think one lot of abuse sets you up for more’ she says.
Aisling feels very strongly that she, and the community where Mr Smith was teaching, were let down by the poor response she received from the police. She says that the police should take care to keep victims and survivors informed about cases, and that support should be given to people who have disclosed abuse.
She emphasises the importance of educating children on how to keep themselves safe, particularly those who are more vulnerable because of issues such as learning disabilities. She suggests that children in rural areas may be more vulnerable as they are often quite naive and not ‘streetwise’.
Aisling says she hopes children will be better protected in the future.