It was clear to Alexandria that girls were likely to be blamed for the wrong-doings of the boys
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Alexandria grew up in the 1970s and 80s in an industrial community with strong masculine traditions.
The prevailing view in her strongly religious family was that the boys ‘could do no wrong’. The reality was that some of Alexandria’s brothers sexually abused her and her sister.
Alexandria’s family were born-again Christians and for a time belonged to the Mormon church.
She was the youngest of several children. She was sexually abused by one of her older brothers. After he left home, another older brother started sexually abusing her and was also violent to her.
Alexandria says that her sister was also sexually abused, by another of their brothers.
She explains that there were signs that she was being abused, but these were ignored by her family. In keeping with the favouritism shown towards the boys, when Alexandria was found locked in her brother’s room, her mother slapped her and called her ‘a slag’.
As punishment, Alexandria was locked in a room until the ‘demon’ had left her. She says this made her behaviour worse and also made it clear to her that she would not be believed if she told anyone about the abuse.
She missed a lot of school and when she did attend, she was disruptive in class. She says the teachers, especially the women, largely ignored her behaviour rather than trying to find out why she was ‘playing up’.
When a boy at school sexually assaulted her, she fought back and reported him, but she says she felt she was blamed for ‘getting him into trouble’.
After Alexandria’s mother died, she reported the abuse to the police. Her experience with the criminal justice system was mixed – some of the people she encountered were sympathetic, but she found others unhelpful and intrusive.
She and her sister gave evidence in court against their brothers. One of them was convicted.
Alexandria felt the court case was badly managed and it triggered a lot of trauma for her. She was not kept informed of its progress, and says there were a lot of factual errors in the evidence that played a part in two of the brothers not being convicted.
For this reason, she would like the court system to be reviewed. She also thinks that schools should be alert to signs of child sexual abuse, and should provide someone for pupils to talk to. She would like to see school inspection reports emphasise the importance of care and support for children.
Alexandria’s education was disrupted because of the effects that being sexually abused had on her behaviour. She has suffered with anxiety and anger and entered into several abusive relationships. She has been ostracised by her family, but is still close to her sister.
In her mid 20s she began having counselling, and is now in a good relationship.