Angela was abused by two men in her family but felt it was her role to protect her mother and her siblings
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Angela was sexually and physically abused by her father until she was six years old, when her mother left him.
But within a few years, Angela’s mother found a new partner who treated her daughter in the same terrible way.
Angela’s biological father was an alcoholic who violently abused her, her siblings and their mother. Angela remembers her father pulling so much hair out of her head she was left with a bald patch. He also sexually abused her.
She remembers that social workers were involved with the family, but her mother would tell the children to say nothing was wrong, and she was too afraid to disobey.
When Angela was six years old, her mother left her father and took the children to a women's refuge. She has happy memories of the months they stayed there, and of the following three years after they were rehoused.
Sadly, this period of safety and contentment was shattered when her mother met a new partner and moved him into the family home. Angela explains that he was similar to her father in that he was a violent alcoholic. She thinks her mother was lonely and that this man charmed her at first.
Angela says that her new stepfather began sexually abusing her when she was left alone with him, telling her it was ‘our secret’.
He would often send her to buy him alcohol and she says that occasionally, being drunk made him nicer, but usually not. He was very controlling, making her wear skimpy clothes around the house and telling her how to do her hair.
He was also extremely violent and Angela was often covered in cuts and bruises. She remembers her mum having big ‘egg’ bruises on her head from the regular beatings.
She ran away from home a few times and she recalls being in the bath and wanting to drown herself. But, she says, what kept her at home was wanting to protect her mother.
Her mother did not show the same concern for her daughter. When Angela tried to talk to her about the abuse, she said ‘It’s your own fucking fault’. Angela describes how hurt she was by this.
She says she told someone from the church about the abuse, and they said they would pray for Angela. Social services came to the house, but Angela was too afraid to tell them anything because her stepfather had threatened to kill her if she did.
When Angela was in her mid teens, her mother died. She stayed in the family house as she wanted to protect her brothers. She says she never thought her stepfather would sexually abuse them, but she has recently found out that he did. She can't remember when he stopped sexually abusing her.
Angela suffers from PTSD and has panic attacks and a compulsive disorder. She managed to have a successful career for some time but is now unable to work because of her anxiety.
She feels that social services failed her and her brothers and as a result, they suffered for many years.
Despite the ordeals she has been through, Angela feels she has a lot to be grateful for. She gets on well with her son and has good friends. She finds comfort in animals and her religious faith. She says ‘I am still alive ... I am a survivor ... this is why I am speaking to you’.