Angella has spent many years feeling that her abuse was not ‘serious enough’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Angella has felt that the online abuse she was subjected to was not ‘serious’ compared to ‘horrendous things’ suffered by others.
However, she is now clear about the damage inflicted by online abuse and the need to educate everyone about the harm it does.
Angella only recently realised, after a work training session on child exploitation, that she was sexually abused.
When she was about 12, she started spending time on online chat forums that were specifically pitched at children. She says ‘I never pretended to be an adult’, but on several occasions she was coerced by a male to perform sexual acts while communicating via webcam.
As time went on, the abuser threatened to tell people what Angella had already done for him, in order to make her continue doing what he demanded. Angella does not know whether he did keep images of her.
At the time, Angella’s family was going through some difficulties and she was being bullied at school. She describes feeling isolated and alone.
The online abuse went on for about a year.
Angella has suffered from anxiety and suicidal thoughts. When she went to university she became depressed. She had counselling, but at the time did not link how she was feeling to the online abuse.
She feels the abuse she experienced has affected her personal and intimate relationships. She says she was introduced to sex too early and describes feeling that sex was ‘expected … that if I have sex with this person they’ll stay with me’.
Angella feels strongly that there is insufficient awareness of the dangers of online abuse.
She says that too often children are blamed for complying with the demands of abusers. She remembers a girl at her school who was coerced into having sex, and was berated by staff.
She believes that teachers and parents should receive ‘awareness training’ to enable them to know how to ask children questions about abuse, to be vigilant for changes in children’s behaviour and to ask questions about why this might be. ‘If you see a change, don’t take it at face value. You can find a lot from an empathetic chat with someone’, she says.
Angella wishes that her parents had monitored her online activity more closely and had open discussions with her about sex. She says there should be awareness campaigns about online abuse for children and adults.
Her family and friends are not aware of her experiences and she does not want them to know. She has a supportive manager at work and is receiving counselling.