Barny says ‘The abuse went on for two years but the effects have lasted for more than 40’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Barny suffered brutal sexual, physical and psychological abuse by a teacher.
For decades he was unable to talk about it, but has now spoken out and is having counselling.
Barny grew up in the 1960s and 70s. Shortly after starting at secondary school he was told he needed ‘remedial’ reading lessons and he was referred to a teacher called Mr Byrne.
The additional lessons took place in a quiet room with no one else present. Barny recalls that Mr Byrne made a point of finding out about his interests, and would bring in comics on these topics for him to read.
During one lesson, Mr Byrne included a pornographic magazine in the reading material he brought. He showed it to Barny, asking him if he liked girls. He then began touching Barny sexually.
After this, the teacher sexually abused Barny during every lesson. He then gave him comics and sweets, and told him not to tell anyone. The abuse escalated, with Mr Byrne making Barny touch him sexually and beating him with implements.
The abuser made Barny feel that he would be the one who would be in trouble if he told anyone. Barny says ‘I was so frightened of him, I would do things to get it out of the way’.
Barny didn’t have anyone he could talk to. His mother cared for an elderly relative and he felt she ‘had enough on her hands’.
He tried ending the reading lessons, but Mr Byrne persuaded him to continue by promising that he would arrange for Barny to have a trial with a professional football team. Barny says he and all his family loved football so this offer was his dream.
Mr Byrne said he would first take Barny to a league football match. Barny says he was very excited about this, but on the day, Mr Byrne took him to a house where there was another man and woman. The woman threatened Barny and photographed him, and Mr Byrne and the other man raped him. Barney was 12 years old.
While they were raping him, the men were violent. They called him names and threatened him. He says ‘All I wanted was my mum’, and he remembers that it seemed as if he was watching himself being abused.
Afterwards, they made him get into a bath of cold water. On the journey home, Mr Byrne told Barny he was ‘filthy scum’ and that if he told anyone what had happened to him no one would believe him over a teacher. He also threatened that Barny’s parents would go to prison and the children would be put in care.
Barny describes the absolute terror he felt about what would happen if anyone found out about the abuse. He began to wet the bed every night, and felt very guilty about the work this gave his mother as they didn’t have a washing machine.
Mr Byrne continued abusing him at school; his school work began to suffer and he started truanting. He then said he was moving to another school, and didn’t attend school for over a year, but no one followed this up. He left with no qualifications.
Barny was terrified that Mr Byrne and the other man would take his younger siblings if he was ever away from them.
Throughout his adult life, Barny has been profoundly affected by the abuse. He says ‘Pain, guilt and shame burn within me’. He has abused alcohol in the past, and worked and exercised compulsively. He suffers with poor mental health, an eating disorder and self-harming.
His traumatic memories are triggered by many things, including male authority figures. ‘I have a lifetime fear of men who can wield power over me’ he says, adding that he still sees ‘the faces of these monsters in my dreams’.
Barny is married with children. He says ‘my wife saved my life’ but adds that the abuse has affected intimacy with her and has made him very anxious about his children. He comments ‘Even a lifetime of the love of my family hasn’t taken away the darkness’.
He feels strongly that schools should always ask questions and check up on children if their work deteriorates or they are not attending school.
For years, Barny did not seek any psychological support because he did not feel he could talk about the abuse. ‘I thought I would take it to the grave and never tell anyone’ he says. But he is currently receiving good support and counselling, and says it has been good to have the opportunity to take part in the Truth Project.
He says ‘These monsters have taken enough from me; today little Barny is going to speak’.