Bea was sexually abused by her stepmother and let down by the system
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Bea was sexually abused by her stepmother.
A series of mistaken assumptions and errors made by different authorities have convinced her that there is nothing more she can do to bring the perpetrator to justice.
Bea’s parents got divorced when she was very young and she became isolated from her mother. She says ‘When my dad and step-mum first got together, I was so desperate for a mother …’.
Her first clear recollection of her stepmother sexually abusing her was when she was about 12 years old. However, looking back, she thinks it may have started before. She says ‘At the time I didn’t really realise it wasn’t normal’.
When she was in her early teens, Bea told a teacher that her stepmother had indecently assaulted her, but she explains that she said she ‘didn’t want to do anything about it’, because she was scared what her dad’s reaction would be.
About two years later, she took an overdose and was taken to A&E where she told a nurse and a psychiatrist what had happened to her. She thinks the hospital tried to involve social services, and they also reassured her that she wouldn’t have to go home. However, at the weekend she was sent back home.
Some time after this, Bea spoke to social services. She can’t remember the conversation very well, except that her dad was there and when he said ‘Everything is fine, isn’t it?’, she felt she had to agree with him.
She saw a school counsellor for a while and when she was in her mid teens, she decided to go to the police. She gave a statement, but was told that because she was still living in the family home, it wouldn’t ‘look good in court’.
More recently, she returned to the police and gave another statement, and the case was referred to the Crown Prosecution Service. A number of reasons were given why the case would not proceed, including the fact that Bea’s original statement had been lost.
In addition, a psychiatrist she saw at university assumed that the person who sexually abused her was male, and referred to this in his notes. Bea was told that this could make it appear that she was confused about who had assaulted her.
She feels strongly that both these points were beyond her control and unfair, and that she was let down by the legal process.
Bea has struggled with depression, anxiety and eating disorders, and she feels these problems are related to the abuse she suffered. It has also affected her trust in professionals and her personal relationships.
Bea believes that it is important to reassure abused children that they are not to blame, and to understand that they may not have the language or knowledge to explain clearly what has been done to them.
She also emphasises how vital it is that professionals who work with victims and survivors do not make any assumptions concerning the sexual abuse, and that all notes and statements are securely stored and can be easily retrieved.