Bernadette has worked hard not to repeat behaviour she was subjected to as a child
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Bernadette describes a family life that was chaotic and abusive.
She was placed in care but the system did not protect her from sexual abuse and exploitation.
Bernadette explains that her parents were violent towards each other, and physically and emotionally abusive to their children. The first time she saw ‘normal family life’ was when she went to secondary school and visited the homes of her friends.
She was sexually abused by a family friend, who began grooming her when she was about seven and raped her when she was 12. She started running away from home after this happened, and even slept rough.
When she was in her early teens she was placed in care. She remembers feeling very distressed and rejected because she was the only child who was removed from the family. She was moved to several different placements and constantly absconded; she abused drugs and alcohol and fell prey to sexual predators and pimps.
By the time Bernadette was in her mid teens, she was pulled into an organised ring of men who sexually exploited young girls. She was raped on many occasions. She was arrested for soliciting, but says the police attitude towards her was ‘dismissive’. She does not believe they could see beyond the way she was behaving and understand how vulnerable she was.
She describes how she lived in fear of her pimp. She says he once told her ‘If you ever leave me I will find you and break your back’.
While still a teenager, Bernadette gave birth to her first child. She says that having this responsibility was a turning point for her, reinforced by a supportive relationship with a partner which lasted for nearly two decades.
She describes the impacts of the abuse and neglect she suffered in her young life. She has PTSD, has had difficulties with trust and close relationships and problems with addiction. She says her parenting has been affected, and she tries very hard to provide stability and consistency for her children.
Bernadette feels that she was let down by the police, care workers and everyone in authority who had contact with her during her chaotic adolescence. She says ‘A few genuinely did care but they were never really around enough’.
Despite what she describes as her ‘extreme’ behaviour, and the fact that a history of violence in her family was well known, no one at school ever sat down with her to talk about what was happening.
Bernadette feels strongly that institutions and professionals need to listen to children and young people, and not judge them, however out of control their behaviour may be. She emphasises how important consistency and structure is for children.
Bernadette sums up her feelings towards her parents by saying ‘I accept what they are like – that doesn’t mean I have to be that way’.
Bernadette has never made a claim for criminal compensation and said ‘no amount of money will make a difference to me’ though she added that if she did, she would donate any money gained to a charity such as Childline, ‘if I thought any money could help another young person’.