Bethany feels strongly that changes in children’s behaviour should not be ignored
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
For as far back as Bethany can remember, she was physically, sexually and mentally abused by her father, and she believes her siblings were too.
She thinks that a lot of things in her childhood could have been handled differently by the adults around her.
Bethany says the abuse usually happened in the family home when the children’s mother was out.
She can remember happy times in primary school, when she was doing well. But as the abuse by her father got worse she became increasingly withdrawn, hiding away at playtimes. This made her vulnerable to bullying, but no action was taken and no one persisted in finding out what was wrong.
When she was about seven years old, one of her siblings told their mother she was being sexually abused. Bethany’s mother kicked her father out of the house, but allowed him back a short while later.
At secondary school, Bethany says she started ‘acting out’, and she is not proud of the way that she started to pick on other children. She was still withdrawn and had no friends. One teacher finally asked her if she was ok.
Bethany told the teacher that her parents were being ‘mean’ and that she did not want to go home, but she was too scared to talk about the abuse. She remembers that she stayed late at school with the teacher, but says that ‘nothing else ever came of it’.
At college, her grades began to suffer, but nobody intervened, and she ended up dropping out.
As an adult, Bethany has suffered with poor mental health and she attempted suicide. After one incident, she was in great distress and told the police about the abuse by her father. They took a statement and her father was convicted of sexual offences against her.
She does not think the sentence was long enough. She says ‘The sentence massively diminished the crime – it makes me feel worthless’.
The impacts of the abuse on Bethany still affect her severely. She has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital and says the intervention and support she received has helped her.
She emphasises the need for staff in schools and colleges to recognise that there are reasons for changes in behaviour and that they need to support the child. She would like to see all schools offering a ‘safe adult’ who is trained to recognise problems and to listen to children who may be abused.