Brett wants to acknowledge what happened to him in the past, then try and be positive
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Brett was sexually abused by a teacher at a faith boarding school.
His parents were pleased that he won a scholarship to attend the school, and he thinks this is one reason why he felt unable to speak out about the abuse.
Brett says his parents could not have afforded to send him to boarding school if he had not achieved a scholarship. During his time at the school Brett sang in the choir and played an instrument.
Different teachers had responsibility for teaching music in the evenings, and it was during some of these additional lessons, with a teacher called Mr White, that Brett was abused. He thinks he was 11 or 12 years old when it began.
Brett already knew Mr White, having been taught music by him for one to two years previously. Brett doesn’t remember how it came about, but at some point, Mr White began teaching Brett in his private accommodation in the school grounds. After this move, Mr White introduced Brett to pornographic magazines and then began sexually abusing him. He does not describe the abuse in detail, but says that ‘thankfully’ it did not involve penetration.
The abuse happened every week of term and Brett thinks it went on for about a year. He doesn’t remember how or why it ended, but thinks it could have been as he was approaching the end of his time at the school.
At the time, he had ‘a vague idea’ it was wrong but he adds, the closest he had come to sex education was reading light fiction.
Brett adds that he didn’t feel able to say anything about the abuse because he didn't know if he would be believed. Nor could he have faced telling his parents in case they felt upset about sending him to the school.
More than 30 years later, he did tell his wife that he had been sexually abused, but he has never told his parents.
He is troubled with feelings of guilt that he was somehow complicit in the abuse, and says he would like to believe that he would have spoken to somebody if he’d felt there was someone he could have trusted. He comments that some of the other teachers ‘seemed like decent people’, but the fact that the abuser was also a teacher might have deterred him from speaking out.
Brett says it is essential for children to have someone they feel they can trust at school to talk to. This would need to be someone easy to approach, who is not part of the ‘school hierarchy’. He adds that if there had been a helpline like Childline available, he may have called it. He also emphasises the importance of sex education.
He finds it astonishing that a teacher was allowed to take a child back to his private accommodation and no one questioned it. He says ‘there was no protection … no one spoke about it … there was no process’.
Being sexually abused has affected his confidence, Brett says. He has always been shy and uncomfortable with sex and physical contact. However, he says that his relationship with his wife is positive, supportive and has helped him move on. He says ‘it’s good to try to look at the positive things whilst acknowledging the past hasn’t been great for a number of reasons’.