Bridget says she feels stupid that abuse that lasted for 30 seconds had such an awful effect on her
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When Bridget was 10 she was groomed by a member of her church.
He was so popular and charismatic that no one saw what he was doing.
Bridget grew up in a very protected, sheltered environment. Her family were very religious and she went to church twice a day. She enjoyed the sense of community, and says ‘church was a very safe place for me’. She adds that she had ‘no idea about sex’.
When Bridget was 10 years old, a man called Chris joined the church. He was in his late 20s. She says ‘he was tall, handsome and charming … I thought he was lovely’. She adds that he was immediately popular with everyone in church, and they all thought he was wonderful too.
Chris immediately started to pay Bridget a lot of attention. Instead of just shaking her hand, he would lean in and kiss her ‘for a little bit longer than he should’ she says. He would also whisper compliments in her ear.
Bridget describes how she became infatuated with him. She says ‘He made me feel like I was a woman … I thought he loved me … I just loved him so much and everyone else did. He was very powerful, very charming’.
Chris bought Bridget gifts and sent her cards. Sometimes he gave her lifts in his car. On church trips he would always try and sit next to her on the coach.
At the same time, Chris was also paying a lot of attention to two other girls the same age as Bridget. She remembers feeling that she was in competition with them.
Then Bridget heard news that was completely shocking to her – Chris was going to get married. She describes her hurt and disbelief at this, and how much she felt she hated his fiancee. ‘I believed he would come back to me’ she says.
The last time Chris was at church before he left to get married, he beckoned Bridget to come to a darkened area. He grabbed her and started kissing her. She says it felt ‘horrible … I thought he was going to eat me. It was horrible’. She struggled but he was very strong. She now realises that he had an erection. He stopped when a woman from the church walked past and said ‘put her down, she’s only a child’.
Bridget vividly remembers going back to the main hall, dazed. She says ‘I was in complete shock. I thought it must have been my fault … he was so lovely I must have done something to make him do something so horrible’.
Over the following years, Bridget felt bereft, and that she could no longer trust anyone. She once tried to tell her dad about Chris, but he said that anyone who behaved like that would not have been nominated to join the church. Bridget says her dad was a ‘good man’ and he would really have believed that.
Bridget eventually got married and had children but she was severely troubled with thoughts that she was a ‘bad person’ and that her family would be better off without her. She says she was overprotective of her children and controlling. After she gave birth to her first child, she went for counselling. She says that being told the abuse was not her fault was a very significant moment.
Bridget reported Chris to the police but they did not proceed with an investigation. Her faith is still very important to her and she feels she has done ‘a lot of healing’.