Colt says ‘It’s a relief to get stuff out of my head I’ve had there for 35 years’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Colt survived bereavement, chaos and sexual abuse in his early years.
His experiences make him question why more resources seem to be allocated to drug prosecutions than to investigating child sexual abusers.
Colt was brought up by a single mother in the 1970s and 80s. He knows that his behaviour could be challenging and his mother struggled to cope with him sometimes.
Colt was close to two older male relatives, but sadly both these men died when he was eight years old.
After these losses, Colt started spending time with older children. One boy, Jeff, who was about 12, began sexually abusing Colt. The abuse included touching and masturbation, and escalated to oral sex and anal rape.
Colt describes how the abuse ‘seemed to last a lifetime’. Jeff told Colt he must not tell anyone.
While this was happening, his behaviour at school deteriorated further, but he thinks no one questioned this as he had never ‘been an angel’.
By the time he was 10, Colt was living in a children’s care home. One day when he was in the shower, two older boys came in, put a towel over his head and attempted to rape him.
He suffered a further incident of sexual abuse from a football coach, who encouraged the young players to come to his flat and drink lager. One night, Colt woke to find the coach masturbating him. Colt did not tell anyone because he felt ‘dirty’.
As a young adult, Colt’s life spiralled further downwards. He suffered from anxiety, depression and had suicidal thoughts. He became homeless, was addicted to heroin and crack cocaine, and was convicted of drug-related offences.
Colt feels that being abused ‘twisted’ his sexual identity for a time, but his life was turned around when he met his wife. He comments that he wouldn’t change his past in any way or he would not have met her.
He compares the resources that are devoted to police drug operations, and the sentences given, with the equivalent treatment of child sexual abuse cases. He would like to see longer prison sentences for perpetrators of child sexual abuse and more support for victims and survivors.
Colt has children of his own and he feels that education about appropriate sexual behaviour is crucial. He adds that parents need to be aware that sexual abuse is most often perpetrated by people known to the child and their family, and that adults must be vigilant for signs of abuse.
Colt has been in recovery for 19 years and now works for an organisation that supports others with substance abuse issues.