Corrine says ‘I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Corrine is in her 60s and sharing her account with the Truth Project is the first time she has spoken about the sexual abuse she suffered as a child.
She says she feels it is a shame she could not have done this 50 years ago ‘So that I could have become the person that I was supposed to have become’.
Corrine’s father was from a country that had fought against the UK in the Second World War. The family were ostracised and isolated by the local community, and the children were bullied and abused at school.
Corrine was sexually abused by her older brother. She was about nine years old the first time it happened, and she recalls him trapping her in an outside shed. He touched her and said some things that she ‘knew were wrong’. She eventually managed to get away.
The sexual abuse continued. Her brother used to force himself against her by squeezing her against a wall. He touched her chest and tried to grab between her legs. She tried to avoid it but as her brother got bigger it was difficult.
Corrine was not allowed to lock the bathroom door. Her brother used to come in and he would not leave. She recalls feeling so humiliated, with no one to tell. At the time, she says, ‘you really just didn’t tell’.
She was aware of a culture of ‘victim blaming’ that existed at that time, including that if you were raped, it was your fault. This feeling was compounded when a child she knew turned up to school disheveled and was then punished as a result. She adds that her family was very ‘male orientated’ and she was blamed for a lot of things. Her older brother belittled her on every occasion, calling her ugly and fat, but her parents did nothing to stop this verbal abuse.
When she was about 14, she threatened her brother that she would tell their mother that he was sexually abusing her. After this, the sexual abuse stopped, but he continued to be violent and verbally abusive, even into their adulthood. Corrine was told she should ‘make allowances’ for her brother.
The impact of the abuse on Corrine has been huge. She has attempted suicide, has no confidence or self-esteem and is very self-conscious. She developed an eating disorder and has struggled to form relationships. She is married to a man who belittles her and makes her sad. She has not told him about the abuse as she feels ‘he would not be interested’.
She feels she has blocked out a lot of the abuse and the pain she experienced, but after her brother died, she has felt able to open up a bit more. She believes that her brother was ‘experimenting’ with her and she realises that she is a victim of abuse. She says this has been difficult to come to terms with.
Corrine has clear ideas about how to help protect children from sexual abuse. She would like to see more teaching in schools about relationships and feelings. She believes that children – boys in particular – should be taught about relationships by women who are older and should discuss what is acceptable behaviour and language. She says education ‘needs to be about life, because not every child has the same parenting’.
She adds there needs to be more research into incest, which she thinks is one of the last taboos.
After sharing her experience, Corrine says she feels that she can now ‘let it go’.