Dehenna says there should be easier ways for children to report abuse with creative use of technology
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Although she had a social worker, Dehenna was not rescued from the relatives who abused her.
She says she used to long for an adult to step in and rescue her.
Dehenna’s parents divorced when she was five years old. She and her sibling were sent to live with their maternal grandparents, even though their grandfather was an alcoholic.
He would come into Dehenna’s room at night when he was drunk. She recalls the fear of hearing the stairs creak, wondering whether it would be her turn or her sibling’s to be abused by him.
Her memories are fragmented but she can recall feeling the weight of him on top of her, not being able to breathe. She would beg her grandfather to get off her but he would tell her that she was his ‘favourite’.
Dehenna remembers innocently mentioning to a customer at her grandfather’s business that he visited her room at night. She says her grandfather ‘went mad’ and dragged her out of the room.
When Dehenna was seven, she and her sibling were living with their father and stepmother. She described her stepmother as ‘evil’; she was extremely physically and emotionally abusive to the children, but their father did nothing to defend his daughters.
Dehenna’s teenage stepbrother, Tony, sexually and physically abused her and her sibling for several years. She describes the abuse as ‘humiliating beyond compare’.
Dehenna remembers that there was a social worker involved during her time with her father and stepmother, but says she was ‘useless’ and never spoke to Dehenna alone. She remembers desperately wanting to be put into foster care or hoping that just one adult would step in and ‘make everything better’.
She ran away from home once and the police came to the house, but did not ask why she had run away.
Dehenna finds it difficult to understand how no one could have known what was happening to her at home. She says she often went to school covered in bruises and was very underweight. Her behaviour became increasingly challenging and she started to bully others as a defence mechanism, but no one asked her why she was doing this.
She says ‘there is still so much anger in me’. She has abused alcohol for a time and did not take care of herself. ‘I placed so little value on me and my own life’ she says.
Dehenna suffers with her mental health and has attempted suicide. She says she has been overprotective of her children and is very suspicious of men being around them.
As an adult, Dehenna discovered that her grandfather had also abused her mother. Dehenna is very angry that her mother let her children go and live with someone she knew was an abuser.
She feels strongly that there should be a legal responsibility for people to report any suspicions of abuse. She also believes that there needs to be far more media coverage on child sexual abuse to help overcome the stigma.
Dehenna found a fulfilling career, and she says being a grandmother makes her feel ‘life is worth living’.