Demi feels angry that information was not shared that could have stopped her being sexually abused
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Demi was sexually abused first by the son of her mother’s partner, then the partner.
She later discovered he had been investigated for abusing his own daughter, but her mother was not warned about this.
Demi’s parents divorced when she was very young and a few years later, her mother’s boyfriend, Marius, moved in. Marius had a number of children who would often come to stay.
The oldest boy was in his early teens and he sexually abused Demi when she was seven years old. The abuse included him getting Demi to put her hand down his trousers and touch him; he made out this was part of a game. Shortly afterwards three of the children stopped coming to stay, but at the time she did not know why.
About a year later, Marius started to abuse Demi. He told her it was ‘something you do when you love someone’, and added that he had done it to his daughter to show her he loved her.
Over time, he abused Demi more often, and more violently. He tried to penetrate her several times and began raping her as she got older. He would exploit her concern for her brother to emotionally blackmail her into performing sexual acts.
Demi describes how she would do everything she could to avoid him, such as staying late at school, but weekends were particularly difficult.
The first person she told about the abuse was a teacher she trusted. The teacher told the lead for child protection and social services were called in. However, Demi could not find the words to explain what was happening to her and the investigation came to a halt.
Marius had to move out for a time but when the investigation ended, he returned and the abuse became worse.
Some time later, Demi spoke about the abuse again to a teacher. The child protection lead was dismissive, but Demi persisted and the police and social services were involved. By this time, Demi says she was having panic attacks, was self-harming and had attempted suicide.
The police interviewed Demi with her mother present, but she didn’t feel able to describe what had happened in front of her mum. She had a social worker, but her mother was always present when they met too.
When she was in her mid teens, Demi left home and went to live in a halfway house. She got involved with a much older male who turned out to be abusive, and left to escape him.
Demi later discovered that the reason Marius’ children had stopped visiting was because he was being investigated for abusing his daughter. She thinks that if her mother had been told about this, she might not have been abused by Marius too.
She feels angry that she was interviewed with her mother present, because that stopped her from sharing more details of the abuse that might have led to a prosecution. She was also frustrated that she was not kept informed about the investigation.
Demi feels strongly that people in authority involved in investigations into child sexual abuse should take care to involve children and young people in decision making, and keep them informed about progress.
She also thinks it is very important that counselling or the right type of therapy is provided for victims and survivors.