Dillan asks ‘How can children like me be allowed to be stranded and be lost?’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
As a child who was abused in the care system, Dillan was failed again by the services he asked to help him.
He struggles to understand how this could have happened, and to live with the long-term effects of his experiences.
Dillan was eight years old when he and his sister were taken into care. Their life with their mother had been chaotic, with no boundaries, discipline or support.
Sadly, the children’s situation did not improve. They were placed with foster parents, where in extreme contrast to their experiences with their mother, their lives were strictly controlled. They were made to do all the housework and forced to eat food they did not like. Dillan says ‘I couldn’t even help myself to a glass of water without having to ask’.
Both the foster parents physically and emotionally abused the children. The foster father also sexually abused Dillan and his sister.
The children had a social worker, but Dillan says they only saw this person once a year and the visits were ‘orchestrated’. He relates ‘We were shepherded into the room and told by my foster mum to say that everything was going very well’.
After being with the foster family for about six years, Dillan’s sister reported the sexual abuse to a social worker. Dillan reported that he had also been sexually abused.
The children were removed from the foster home and Dillan was put in a children’s home, where he was plunged into more chaos and neglect.
Within months, Dillan got involved with a group of ‘dangerous boys’. They went to the local pub, drank and smoked, and smashed shop windows to steal things. He says the staff did not intervene even when he made it clear he wanted them to. ‘I needed help and I asked for help … it was just swept under the carpet.’
When Dillan was old enough to leave the care system, he was given a flat where he was supposed to live independently. But he says ‘I couldn’t cope. Every day I went back to the boys’ home and was told “You don’t live here anymore”’.
Dillan made contact with his mother when he was in his early 20s. She told him that it was his own fault that he was taken away from her when he was an eight-year-old child. He says he did not take this personally. ‘I knew she wasn’t well.’
Dillan has recently reported the sexual abuse by his foster father to the police. He says he had been thinking about doing this for many years, especially because of the high-profile cases in the news.
He says the officer who interviewed him was ‘fantastic’ but thinks he was inexperienced in the field of sexual abuse. The case had to be passed to different forces because of where the abuse occurred. Progress seems to be slow but the police are still in contact with Dillan and his sister.
Dillan struggles with many impacts of his difficult childhood. He says ‘The fallout from this stuff is immense’.
He feels he was failed, on many levels. ‘All I wanted was some help … maybe people didn’t know how to help then … but these were professional people.’
He has abused drugs and alcohol, and he suffers with severe anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. He is petrified by the thought of socialising. He says ‘I’m not able to look for or appreciate the better things in life. Because it’s worthless … I’m worthless’.
Dillan says that although at times he has appeared to be managing life well, he finds it hard to manage his emotions. He received a short prison sentence after an altercation with the police. He adds that he feels isolated. ‘There’s distance with everybody … there’s walls in between’ he says.
He believes that staff working in children’s services need to build stable, trusting relationships with children in their care. He says young people need support when they are transitioning from the care system to independent living.
Dillan has started having counselling. ‘I thought talking might make it easier … I’m hoping it’s not too late.’