Eleanor says that in child sexual abuse cases ‘It’s difficult to think that women can do this…’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Eleanor’s home life was chaotic. She was abused by a lodger when she was a small child, and later by her step-father and her mother, who plied her with drugs and alcohol.
She moved schools frequently and her attendance was erratic. But the only time any teaching staff contacted her, it was to ask for the return of a musical instrument she had borrowed.
After her parents’ divorce, Eleanor lived with her mother, her sister and a lodger. This man sexually abused her and was violent towards her mother. In an attempt to escape him, the family moved frequently and Eleanor says she attended about 20 different schools.
As a result she found it difficult to make friends and her education suffered, but she says no one appeared to be concerned at this. She recalls an occasion when her mum had left her with a relative and a member of staff from a previous school called at the house.
Eleanor remembers thinking that she might be in trouble for not being at school, but as she peeped out, she heard the staff member asking about a musical instrument she had borrowed. No other questions were asked, and she remembers feeling ‘no one cares’.
After a time Eleanor’s mother remarried. Her stepfather and mother gave her drugs and alcohol at night, and sexually abused her. She says she would often vomit before leaving for school.
Her mother began locking Eleanor and her sister in a room, without food and water, saying she wanted ‘rid of them’. Eleanor says she was afraid her mother was going to kill her, and was relieved when a social worker came to the house. She told the social worker about the abuse and begged the social worker to take her and her sister into care.
Later that day, ‘after what felt like hours’ the social worker returned and the two girls were removed from home and placed with a foster carer.
Eleanor’s mother and stepfather were prosecuted for abusing her and she was required to give evidence. By this time she was a young teenager. She asked that her birth father should not be present when she gave evidence as she did not want to describe the sexual abuse in front of him. She was dismayed that this was disregarded.
Evidence was provided by her school that they were aware she was vomiting and smelled of alcohol every day, and was tired and disengaged.
She feels the system was only interested in the sexual abuse committed by her stepfather. Her mother was charged with neglect, and she is distressed that the impact of the sexual abuse by her mother was not fully understood. She says ‘There is an unconscious bias that it’s always the man …’
She was also shocked that her social worker encouraged her to maintain contact with her mother, even after her disclosure of the sexual abuse and the court case.
Eleanor suggests several improvements to protect children. She would like to see careful tracking of children who move schools frequently and whose attendance is erratic. She says that court processes should give consideration to children’s wishes, especially where they may need to share intimate details.
She wants social workers to understand how vulnerable children are if they remain in the home after disclosing abuse. She feels strongly that it should be understood that female perpetrators are not always coerced by men into committing acts of child sexual abuse.