Having been forced to cover up that she was being abused, Eleri says ‘The truth matters’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Decades after Eleri was sexually abused by her foster father, Tim, she faced him in court.
Although she was devastated at the time that he was not convicted, she still feels that she gained something from the courage she showed in reporting the abuse, and giving evidence in relation to the abuse in court.
Eleri has dual heritage. She grew up in the 1960s and 70s, the youngest girl in a large family.
She says ‘People have this perception of children in care being from dysfunctional families or already abused. But we weren’t’.
When Eleri was a young child, her mum became very unwell and the children were taken into care. They were split up and sent to different placements.
Eleri’s mum died and the children returned home for a time, then Eleri was fostered, with a number of her siblings.
Eleri describes the foster parents as ‘horrors … they were very young; they had their own child and no interest in us’. The foster mother hit Eleri and her siblings, and the father, Tim, would beat them with his belt.
The children were not fed or clothed adequately. Eleri does not remember ever having an evening meal – they were sent to their room when they came home from school.
She knows that her biological father and older siblings came to visit them, but the foster parents would make excuses not to let them in.
Tim sexually abused Eleri. He showed her photos of naked women and intimidated her until she said she liked looking at them, even though she knew she didn’t.
He would ‘examine’ Eleri’s genitals and touch her. She remembers this made her sore. Tim would kiss her and rub her chest.
The abuse became frequent – Eleri thinks it happened every night. She says her foster mother knew about it because she once came into the room when her husband was abusing Eleri.
One night when the family were on holiday, Tim raped Eleri. She remembers her shock and she thinks she passed out. She says ‘I just remember feeling wrong … something was wrong’.
Tim carried her back to bed and said words to the effect ‘Don’t say anything’, and gave her money. She continues ‘I remember struggling to lie comfortably’. The next day the pain was still so marked that she couldn’t sit down.
She told her siblings she had found the money, and bought them all some sweets. To this day she hates the specific type of sweets that she purchased with the money.
The next time Eleri’s foster father Tim raped her was in the family home. She was about nine or 10 years old.
Eleri’s biological father was concerned about his children and he contacted social services. A social worker visited them and asked Eleri if she was ok. Eleri says that as a child, she was ‘in the here and now’ and because at that moment, on that day, she was fine, she answered ‘yes’.
She and the other children were moved to a different foster placement. She says the new foster parents were ‘adorable … they were gems’. Eleri continues ‘But I was so defensive and difficult’. She remembers the new foster father being kind and caring but says she was always waiting for him to ‘do something’ to her.
Eleri says that as time went on, she ‘blossomed’ in this foster placement and did well at school.
When she was about 12 years old she had sex education at school, and at this point she realised she had been sexually abused. She says ‘My stomach just dropped. I thought “I’ve done that”’.
She describes herself as being on a short fuse after this, and she sometimes got into fights.
Eleri went to live with her biological father when she was in her early teens. She remarks that at that time, he had to pay for care for his children, and he struggled to make the payments. She says ‘He was loving and kind but not good at practical stuff. But I always felt loved by him’.
When she and her siblings were adults, Eleri’s sibling disclosed that he had been abused by Tim, and he and Eleri reported Tim to the police.
She says ‘The court process was very difficult’. There were several delays and postponements. Eleri gave evidence in court but after a long deliberation by the jury, Tim was found not guilty. ‘I felt completely gutted. I couldn’t speak for a few days’ she says.
Eleri wonders whether there is a better way to manage abuse cases through the criminal justice process. She suggests it could be more like hearings that examine the facts. ‘I think juries can’t help having their own agendas’ she says. She feels they may have been reluctant to convict the foster father as he was old, and had had a long career in key public service.
She adds that she doesn’t think anything would necessarily have been gained by sending an old man to prison, but she says ‘The truth matters’.
Eleri studied to a degree level in social care. She is married and has children.