Esmorie says it is unfair that many people cannot afford the counselling they need
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Esmorie was sexually abused by a health professional who was a family friend.
She feels that if she had been offered more support afterwards, her mental health problems would not have escalated.
Esmorie’s stepfather was violent, and he and her mother separated when she was 13.
A family friend called Kevin started visiting the home frequently. Esmorie referred to him as her uncle.
She developed a ‘teenage crush’ on Kevin. She explains ‘he paid me a lot of attention’, praising her and hugging her. Esmorie’s mum would tease her about this, but Esmorie adds, Kevin was also affectionate towards her mum, and would do things like give both of them shoulder massages when they were watching television together.
Kevin would take Esmorie out in his car, and he began asking her to pose for him so he could take photos of her. She now realises the pictures were sexualised, and that he was making inappropriate comments about her developing body. ‘Looking back, I should have heard alarm bells’ she says.
The abuse escalated to Kevin touching Esmorie around her breasts and legs. On one occasion Esmorie hurt her ribs, and her mother asked Kevin to check she was all right, because he was a health professional. He removed her top and bra and commented on the size of her breasts. She remembers how uncomfortable this made her feel.
He repeated this abuse over the next couple of days, once in his work setting. Esmorie says ‘He told me I was a good girl, and my boyfriend wouldn’t mind’.
Some time later she was contacted by the police who told her that Kevin had been dismissed from his job for gross misconduct. They interviewed Esmorie which she found confusing and uncomfortable.
She was not allowed to have her mum with her and she says that the male officer did not show much empathy or care towards her. She found it hard to fully explain what had happened to her, and she did not see Kevin as a ‘bad man’. She says ‘I had not realised what he was doing was bad … almost overnight I was almost not a child anymore’.
In the end the police did not prosecute Kevin because there was not enough evidence. Esmorie did not know where he was living by this time, and she says that for years she used to worry that he would turn up.
Esmorie’s relationship with her mother deteriorated, and another relative called her derogatory names and blamed her for Kevin’s behaviour. She felt ‘isolated and lost’ at the sudden ending of what she had seen as a trusting friendship.
Her performance at school deteriorated, she lost many of her friendships and she felt suicidal.
Eventually Esmorie was given a limited number of counselling sessions. She felt she needed more but could not afford to pay for them.
She did manage to go to university and has had more counselling as an adult. She feels the aggression and anxiety she struggles with could have been prevented if she had received the right support and understanding earlier.
Esmorie would like to see more training for professionals to help them understand how victims and survivors of child sexual abuse feel. She believes the stigma surrounding sexual abuse still needs to be tackled and this will only happen if it is talked about openly.