School seemed like a safe place to Evelyn, compared to her home, but her trust was betrayed
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After her father died, Evelyn was left alone with her alcoholic, abusive mother.
Three male teachers at her secondary school exploited her vulnerability to sexually abuse her.
Evelyn grew up in the 1980s and 90s. She was seven years old when her mother was widowed.
The abuse Evelyn was subjected to was verbal, physical and sexual, with her mother making her sleep in her bed until she was 11. Evelyn says she felt very uncomfortable when her mum was sexually abusing her, but she didn’t really understand what was happening at the time.
Her mother attempted suicide more than once.
When Evelyn started secondary school, the sexual abuse stopped, but the physical and verbal abuse continued. Evelyn saw her teachers as trustworthy and school felt like a safe place.
By the time she was in her mid teens, two teachers were paying particular attention to her. She confided in one, Mr A, about her mother’s drinking and mental health state. He gave her encouragement in hobbies that interested her and she says this made her feel special.
Evelyn says ‘I hadn’t even heard of the word “grooming” back then’.
When Mr A got a job at another school he started to write to Evelyn, asking her to go out with him. Evelyn once went to meet him but she took some friends with her so she wouldn’t be alone with him. ‘I didn’t feel comfortable but he was very persistent’ she says.
After this, she did not reply to his letters, until one day he accosted her outside school and demanded to know why she was ignoring him. Evelyn was scared, but says ‘I stood my ground then he walked away. He did scare me, but I think he worked out he wasn’t going to get any more from me’.
The other teacher, Mr B, often made sexually inappropriate remarks to the girls in his class, such as saying it was hard to be around female students. Evelyn says ‘He was quite an old teacher, coming up to retirement I think’.
One day, when Evelyn had stayed late in school to avoid going home, Mr B pushed her against a wall and tried to kiss her, forcing his tongue into her mouth. ‘It happened so quickly’ she says. ‘I was struggling all the time and he was so strong.’
Eventually the teacher stopped. ‘He seemed to be panicking and kept saying “Don’t tell anyone”.’ Evelyn reassured him she wouldn’t because she wanted to get away. She did not attend his classes for a few weeks.
Evelyn didn’t tell her mum what had happened. She says ‘She wasn’t responsible enough and she’d say “What did you do to make him do that?”’ However, she did tell another male teacher she trusted, Mr C, but he told her he couldn’t help because he did the same sort of thing as Mr B. He didn’t tell her to report the abuse to anyone.
When Evelyn was in the sixth form, Mr C groomed and sexually abused her. She says he seemed to offer her a lifeline. ‘I had such low self-esteem and I didn’t want to lose his support as I felt that was all I had.’ She adds ‘I was pretty broken before he got to me and he just topped it off’.
She told a female teacher what was happening, but this woman’s response was not helpful to Evelyn. She gave Evelyn a children’s helpline number but added that reporting Mr C to social services would make things worse.
Evelyn knows that other teachers in the school were aware of what was happening. One of them wrote to Mr C accusing him of abusing his position of trust, but did not report the abuse.
Her mother was aware of it, because Mr C came to the house, but she blamed her daughter.
Evelyn feels self-loathing and thinks she has no right to be upset. She says ‘I let myself be used by people’. She has found sexual relationships difficult and has dreaded having sex. She became involved in a physically abusive relationship and found it hard to show her children affection.
She has now told a counsellor about the abuse she suffered, and she did report it to the police, but felt the questions they asked her were inappropriate. They are investigating her report.
Evelyn feels she was let down by the police and staff at her school. She would like to see better training for professionals so they treat victims and survivors of child sexual abuse with sensitivity and concern.
She has recently taken up creative activities that she used to enjoy as a child, and finds this helpful. ‘I support myself’ she says.