The priest who abused Evin was convicted twice, but the church would not formally acknowledge his guilt
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Evin and his brother were sexually abused by a priest, Father Y, who groomed them and manipulated their parents.
Evin feels he received a poor response from the Church of England when he reported the abuse, and believes the institution cares more about protecting itself than the victims.
His family were not churchgoers, and Evin attended a state school. When he was 10 years old, a new priest at the local church began visiting the school, saying he wanted to build links between the two. He invited Evin and some of the boys to attend church services, and then to go along to the church after school.
After the first time, Evin’s friends stopped going but he continued to attend. The priest began sexually abusing Evin during confirmation classes in his study.
When the priest found out Evin had a teenage brother he insisted Evin bring him along to church too. There were lots of altar boys and the priest persuaded Evin’s parents that their sons needed to stay overnight with him, to be ready for the 6am services.
He says the priest was very ‘open’ with his mother and made the arrangement seem perfectly normal. He remembers him making a comparison with the way that ‘the ancient Greeks would take a younger man under their wing’.
Evin was 12 years old the first time he stayed overnight, and he only did so a couple of times. But he says his brother often stayed at the priest’s home, in his bedroom.
When he was in his mid teens, Evin’s brother ‘went off the rails’. Evin remembers he was smoking, drinking and stealing and he also ran away from home.
Evin believes a teacher at school was suspicious, because his brother told him that she asked him what happened at the church. But his brother denied anything had occurred – Evin thinks because he was ashamed.
The boys’ parents sent their older son to live with a relative, to get a ‘fresh start’, but Evin says his brother ‘couldn’t handle this and got into drugs’.
Evin knows that around this time, a group of mothers confronted the bishop, who was a friend of the priest. He does not know the details, but the police were not involved. Following this incident, the priest went to see Evin’s parents, saying that false allegations had been made against him.
But Evin’s parents did not want him to go to church anymore, and the family moved away from the area. Evin changed schools and says he went through a phase of having anxiety attacks and was unable to attend for some time.
Meanwhile, Evin’s brother attended rehab and reported the sexual abuse to the police, telling them that Evin had suffered abuse by the same perpetrator. There was a police investigation and more people came forward. The priest was convicted and Evin says he felt satisfied with this.
The church sent his brother a compensation claim form, but he did not want to go through this process. Sadly, two years after the court case, Evin’s brother died of alcohol-related conditions.
Evin says he feels very aware of how the abuse has impacted upon his life and the shame he feels. He did not say anything at the time it was happening because he thought he might be mocked or not believed.
He says he threw himself into work and felt he always needed to be in control. There have been times when he has found it difficult working with people who show bullying or controlling behaviour.
He thinks he will never have a relationship as he cannot allow himself to be vulnerable. He still suffers with anxiety.
Evin went to his GP for help. Medication and therapy did not help, but when he found a charity specialising in support for sexual abuse, he began to talk about his experiences.
In a quest for an apology, or at least a reaction, from the church, Evin decided to take legal action. He also talked more about the abuse to his parents more. They felt very guilty and he comments, ‘so we all suffered’. He wanted the church to write to his parents, admitting what had happened. But despite the fact that the abuser had been convicted in a criminal court, the church would only say the abuse ‘may’ have happened.
Evin says he found this response ‘incredible’, and was very angry. They later offered him an out-of-court settlement, which he accepted.
The abuser was released from prison a few years ago, but by this time more people had come forward, and there was a second police investigation. Evin did not want to go through the process but he did attend court on the day the priest was convicted for the second time.
Evin says that seeing this was therapeutic, but he found it distressing to hear the character references for the priest that were supplied by other members of the church. After the first conviction, the abuser had been allowed to practice again.
Evin hopes that in the future the church will address any abuse that is brought to their attention, but thinks their religious convictions may still override what should be done.