Farida says ‘I don’t know how I’ve survived all this … there must be something strong in me’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
As a child, Farida was imprisoned, deprived of education, beaten, raped and sent abroad to be forcibly married.
She was missing from school for several years, but no one in authority pursued her family to find out why.
Farida comes from a Muslim family of South Asian heritage. The first of several men who sexually abused her was the grown up son of some family friends. She was 12 years old, and the abuser’s family facilitated the abuse, telling her their son liked her and encouraging her to travel alone to and from their house, where he raped her.
She often left school to go and see him. ‘A child is easily manipulated ... it happened numerous times.’
One day, having left the abuser’s house, Farida was frightened to go home because she was late. A white man, who seemed caring and friendly, approached her and offered to take her to social services. She relates ‘We went on the bus ... I was 12 and in my school uniform, but they said I had to be homeless for 48 hours before they would take me on’.
After this, the man took Farida back to his place. That night he sexually abused her, over and over again. She describes how scared and powerless she felt; ‘there was nothing I could do’ she says. Later he took her to another house where more men repeatedly raped her.
After being away from home for two nights, Farida went home. The police visited the house because her father had reported her missing, but they only spoke to her in front of her parents and did not pursue the matter.
For the following two years, Farida was imprisoned in the family house. She says that her parents gave her food and clothing, but she was not allowed to go to school, or even step into the garden. She recalls ‘I used to look out of my bedroom window and think how beautiful is the outside world’.
Apparently no one from school or the education department raised any concerns about her long absence from school, even though Farida knows that her mother made many anonymous phone calls to them to say her husband was not allowing Farida out. ‘She was scared of my father too’ says Farida.
On one occasion, she attempted suicide by drinking a household chemical. She was taken by ambulance to hospital, where she stayed for several days. However, she says, ‘Even then, no one asked why a 13-year-old girl wanted to kill herself’.
Permitted to attend a family wedding, Farida was again targeted by a predatory male who claimed he would help her escape her family. She went to meet him, and he trafficked her to two men who repeatedly raped her. She relates ‘I was crying and saying please stop’ but they showed no mercy and held her for a week.
After she was released and went home, she was sent to her family’s home country and forced to marry a relative. She was 15 years old. ‘I look like a child in my wedding photos’ she says. Her husband beat, tortured and raped her. She gave birth to a child.
Farida came back to the UK with her husband and child and begged her father to be allowed to get a divorce. He refused, but Farida managed to report her husband for domestic abuse, and he was eventually deported.
At times, while giving her harrowing account, Farida is in obvious distress. She has suffered from severe depression and used to blame herself for what had happened to her.
She feels angry about the number of professionals who missed the obvious signs that she needed help, including social services, who sent a 12-year-old girl away with an adult man who was obviously not related to her.
Farida also blames the police, hospital and school staff and the education department for ignoring the ‘red flags’ that she was suffering abuse. She says it is essential that services should pick up on these sorts of indicators.
Farida had not been to school since she was 12. ‘I kept saying – please let me have my education … I had my dreams taken away from me’ she says.
She continues ‘I turned it round when I could’. When she enrolled at college, she had to ask how to switch a computer on. Since then, she is proud to have achieved several qualifications.
Farida has raised her son alone. They have a loving and honest relationship and he is supportive of her. She says that unlike herself as a child ‘My son doesn't have fear’.
She explains why she shared her experience with the Truth Project: ‘I need to help other people so they don’t go through what I did’.