Guy hated being sexually abused by his dad, but he also saw the abuse as the affection he craved
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Guy’s parents did not give him any love or care.
He says that when he realised his father was sexually abusing his sister, he was partly jealous of the attention she was receiving.
Guy and his siblings were severely neglected by their parents, who were addicted to drugs and alcohol and often fought violently.
He says ‘Responsibility was usually left to our eldest sister to care for us as best she could’, and describes how he would go to her for comfort and support.
Guy describes how, as a very small child, he craved love and affection from his parents. At night he would sometimes try and get into their bed, but they always pushed him out. He would then go into the bedroom his sisters shared and curl up under their toys.
One night that he will never forget, he was woken by someone coming into the room and going to his older sister’s bed. He recalls hearing her ‘whimpering and crying’. After witnessing this a few more times, he realised it was their father who came in.
Guy felt jealous of the attention his sister was getting from their father. In his innocence, he asked his dad why he didn’t go and see him at night, and his father asked if he wanted him to do the same to him. He added that it had to be a secret and Guy must not tell his sisters.
He then made Guy close his eyes and forced his penis into Guy’s mouth. Guy remembers feeling ‘I couldn’t breathe and I wanted it to stop’. He says this abuse became a regular occurrence and he ‘hated what was happening, but I loved my dad and I wanted to spend time with him’.
The fights between his parents got worse and his mother spent more and more time away from home. Guy’s father often invited men to the house and Guy would be sent to his room. One night he heard noises from his sisters’ room and went to investigate. He saw his father and two other men in there, and his sisters with their skirts pulled up.
Sometimes their father’s friends would ‘babysit’ the children, and one night one of them anally raped Guy. He remembers screaming in pain and the relief of the cold water when the man forced him into the bath afterwards.
After this, Guy was raped on many more occasions by this man, his father, and another relative. He says that social workers came round regularly to the house but the situation continued until their mother left home and their father called social services. The children were taken into care.
Guy and his younger sister were in foster care for a while before being adopted. Although he found being adopted difficult at first, he says his adoptive parents stood by him and supported him. He also received counselling.
He was interviewed by the police about the abuse he had suffered in his parents’ care, but has since learned that no one was charged.
Guy continued to struggle with relationships and trust. He has PTSD and anxiety, especially when males get too close to him. He is currently in prison for an offence he committed reacting to such a situation.
Guy believes social services should have stepped in sooner to remove the children as there were obvious signs of neglect. He is disappointed that the police did not proceed with the case against any of the men who abused him.
Guy would like to see more support for children who have suffered abuse ‘so they can have a healthy future’.
He still has strong bonds with his adoptive family and continues to have counselling. He loves reading and studying.