Habiba says ‘Everything must be done to empower victims from minority groups’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Habiba was sexually abused by her father.
She believes that the poor institutional response to her report was partly due to cultural bias.
Habiba is British of South Asian heritage. She grew up in an impoverished, overcrowded home in an inner-city area.
When she was 11 years old, her father raped her many times over a month-long period. The abuse took place in her bedroom at night, and she believes her mother was aware of it.
Habiba describes her confusion about what was happening. She writes ‘I felt (even as an 11-year-old girl) that I had done something to invite the abuse, for example, smiling too much at my father’.
She says that she began to believe the abuse was ‘a normal part of a family relationship even though it made me incredibly afraid’. She even tried to convince herself she should ‘enjoy’ the experience, but she knew she didn’t.
Habiba adds that as she was brought up to believe ‘that our parents are right in all matters ... I was unable to work out what was going on and whether it was wrong’. Believing that her mother knew what was happening added to her confusion and the feeling that she could not tell anyone about the abuse at the time.
She did once attempt to contact a children’s helpline, after seeing adverts on television, but she became anxious waiting for someone to answer her call, and gave up trying.
When Habiba was 16, she decided to disclose the abuse to a school counsellor. ‘I was extremely nervous’ she writes. The school contacted social services and the police. She gave a statement and was placed into foster care for a few months, before being returned to her family, with her father still in the house.
Habiba was not offered any way to ‘ring the alarm bell’ if she felt unsafe, nor were there any follow-ups to make sure she or her younger siblings were safe.
The Crown Prosecution Service did not proceed with a court case against Habiba’s father due to lack of evidence.
Habiba excelled academically, and she went on to achieve very highly at university. However, throughout her adulthood she has suffered from persistent flashbacks, insomnia, depression, anxiety and concentration problems.
Several times she tried to access counselling from health and local authority services, but was told it was not available to her. She eventually got therapy from a charity, although due to lack of funding she was on the waiting list for a year.
Habiba says ‘Their excellent counselling resolved my depression and anxiety’.
She also describes how the sexual abuse she suffered affected her ability to form friendships and intimate relationships. ‘I always felt incredibly alienated from those around me’ she writes.
Habiba adds that she feels triggered and stressed by news reports about sexual abuse.
She has several suggestions about how victims and survivors of child sexual abuse could be better protected.
She recalls that when she first received sex education in school, it was a few months after she had been abused. The 11 and 12 year olds were shown a graphic cartoon of a couple having sex.
She writes ‘I was really triggered and understood for the first time what had happened to me was of a sexual nature. However, there was no understanding at the time that this video might be triggering for child abuse victims and sitting watching the movie, I felt unable to speak up’.
Habiba says that rather than teaching just biological facts, children should learn from the age of five about consent, personal space and ‘appropriateness’, to help them recognise abuse, and feel able to speak out. ‘These were not concepts I was aware of as an 11 year old, which led me not to disclose my abuse’ she writes.
She adds that this education should be provided in other settings in addition to schools, such as workplaces.
Habiba feels strongly that counselling services for victims and survivors should receive more funding, because of the long-term impacts victims and survivors live with.
She believes that child abuse cases should be pursued as far as possible even if there is only a slight chance of a conviction, to emphasise that it is such a serious and dangerous crime.
Habiba considers that she was inadequately safeguarded by the police and social services when she was returned home to live with her father, the perpetrator; and no checks were made when there was a clear danger to several other children in the home.
She comments ‘I question now whether this was partly cultural bias against us’. She believes there is a need for some minority groups to be scrutinised closely as there can be less likelihood of children recognising and speaking about sexual abuse.
She believes there is also wider social conditioning directed towards girls ‘that sexual abuse isn't real but instead is somehow “asked for” by victims’.