Horrence is happy now, but he feels his experience of abuse by a priest robbed him of his youth
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Frightened and bullied at boarding school, Horrence felt his only friend was one of the Catholic priests on the staff.
But this man groomed and sexually abused him, then ‘dropped’ him after a year.
Horrence’s parents were devout Catholics and when he was 11, he was sent to a Catholic boarding school. He was very excited when he passed the entrance exam and his parents were also pleased – he says he was a timid, small boy who had been bullied in primary school, and they thought going away to school would ‘toughen me up a little bit’.
The school, which was quite small, was a long way from Horrence’s home, so he did not go home at weekends.
On the first day, Horrence and his parents were introduced to his form teacher. Father Evans was a Jesuit priest in his 60s. Horrence says his parents were delighted about this, because Jesuits were respected as a learned order, and Father Evans was very charming.
Sadly for Horrence, after this positive first impression of the school, he quickly realised that violence, bullying and humiliation was rife. The older boys bullied the younger ones and Horrence was afraid to go outside for fear of being set on. He says ‘It was pretty nasty … most of the time I was terrified’. He adds that the priests were aware of the bullying but either turned a blind eye to it, or actually encouraged it.
When Father Evans made a point of befriending Horrence, this gave him some respite from the harsh regime. The priest would invite Horrence to his room and take him out on trips in his car. Horrence particularly welcomed this at weekends, when most of the other boys went home.
He recalls ‘I thought he was great – like a friend’.
But over time, Father Evans began sexually abusing Horrence. He says the priest was ‘very subtle’ at first, suggesting that they exercised together and then have a shower. This led to Father Evans massaging Horrence, and asking for him to do the same.
Sometimes he would find Father Evans naked when he went to his room, and the priest got him to sit on his lap. He then made Horrence masturbate him. Horrence says ‘I was frozen with fear – but I still trusted him and felt he was my friend and wanted to spend time with him’.
Occasionally, Father Evans beat Horrence when he was naked, and Horrence was aware that the priest had an erection as he did this.
The abuse continued throughout the school year. At the beginning of the new term after the summer holidays, Horrence was surprised and confused when Father Evans ‘dropped’ him and ‘moved on to another boy’.
The only time Horrence came close to reporting what Father Evans had done to him was when he told his parents the priest had given him a massage. His mother seemed very surprised and asked why, but Horrence then covered it up, saying he had hurt his foot and Father Evans rubbed it.
It was at this point that Horrence began to realise that what Father Evans had done was wrong. He says ‘It became a huge shame’.
As a young man, Horrence joined the priesthood for a time. He says he saw this as a ‘way of repentance’ for the shame he felt. He suffered from depression and sometimes felt suicidal, saying he perpetually felt ‘a black cloud hanging over me’.
After he left the priesthood he had several jobs. He realised he was gay but for years, he says, ‘I kept everything bottled up’. He feels he missed out on the exciting and happy things other people do in their 20s.
For a time, he became very promiscuous and began drinking heavily, but then sought counselling which he found very helpful.
Horrence did not report the abuse he suffered to the police, but he later discovered that Father Evans was sent to prison for abusing many other children at another school. He says ‘This empowered me to think I’d like to have my voice heard’.
From his research, he came to believe that the Diocese knew that Father Evans was an abuser, as he was moved so frequently from school to school. He issued legal proceedings against the Diocese and the order, and 11 years later received a settlement.
Horrence suggests that there should be an official body to advise victims and survivors about reporting abuse, seeking compensation and accessing therapy. He would also like to see more help, advice and support for more vulnerable victims and survivors who have challenges such as learning difficulties.
Horrence now has a career in healthcare that he finds very rewarding, and is in a happy and settled relationship. He says ‘I’m blessed now … things have worked out’.