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IICSA published its final Report in October 2022. This website was last updated in January 2023.

Jaye

Jaye

Jaye says the Catholic church is more concerned to protect the institution rather than individuals

All names and identifying details have been changed.

Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.

Jaye was sexually abused by a priest who groomed him and his family.

He still has religious faith, but left the Catholic church because of his disillusionment with its response to child sexual abuse cases.

Jaye grew up in the 1960s and 70s. He describes his upbringing as ‘safe and loving’. His  family were devout Catholics and some of them were actively involved with the church. ‘I grew up used to having clergymen around’ he says.

A priest, Father A, was a frequent visitor to the family home. Jaye remembers this man having conversations about sex with him, which he describes as conversations about ‘the birds and bees’. At the time Jaye thought perhaps his parents had asked the priest to have these conversations with him. 

‘I recognise now he was a clever manipulator and knew how to groom’ he says. ‘He was skilled at identifying families with sons he could target.’

One evening, when Jaye was 14, Father A called round when his parents were out. He asked Jaye to attend a church event with him, which would involve an overnight stay. 

Jaye saw no reason not to go with the priest. 

Father A took him to a hotel and booked a room. Upstairs in the hotel room, Father A produced whisky and beer and started drinking and smoking. He offered alcohol to Jaye, but Jaye refused. Father A then told Jaye to stand up and Father A proceeded to undress him. Jaye says ‘I remember saying the curtains were open and he said “No one’s going to see you” and carried on’.

‘If there’s such a thing as an out of body experience, I was having one’ says Jaye. ‘Looking back I suppose I was in shock … I didn’t know what to do.’

The priest started touching Jaye’s genitals and repeatedly tried to masturbate him. He then told Jaye to get into bed with him and put Jaye’s hand on his genitals.

The next morning, nothing was said about the previous evening, and Father A put Jaye on a train home.   

Jaye didn’t feel he could tell anyone about the abuse. He says ‘I see my parents as victims just as much as me. They were totally groomed by this man’.

As an adult, Jaye reported the abuse, first to the church and then to the police. Jaye says the police response was ‘fantastic’. They found more victims and survivors, and the priest pleaded guilty and was sentenced to prison.

Looking back at the impact of the abuse, Jaye says ‘I can see from my teenage years into my 20s, 30s and 40s, that I suffered bouts of depression and anxiety’. 

Jaye has also felt shame and questioned his response to the abuse. He says of his experience of sexual abuse in the hotel room, ‘I had no idea what was going on in that hotel room, but now I question why I didn’t do something, why didn’t I shout and scream?’ He adds that he is relieved he didn’t drink any alcohol.

He believes there should be mandatory reporting of child sexual abuse. He also wants institutions to admit when they are wrong and to say sorry. He says ‘They must listen to victims and believe them. It’s a huge thing to disclose; you don’t do it on a whim’. 

Jaye is in a very happy and stable marriage and his wife is very supportive. ‘I had to get away from the church because of the way it uses and abuses power. It’s about protecting the institution and people in power, and individuals don’t really count.’

He now works with victims and survivors of abuse.

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