The man who was sexually abusing Jeannie was allowed to formally adopt her
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Jeannie’s stepfather worked for the emergency services and was regarded by many people as a ‘hero figure’.
But behind closed doors in the family home, he was a domestic and sexual abuser.
Jeannie’s parents separated before she was born, and her mother married another man.
Her stepfather was violent and abusive to Jeannie’s mother.
Jeannie’s earliest memories of her stepfather sexually abusing her go back to when she was about five years old. Looking back, she can see how he groomed and controlled her, by isolating her and telling her that no one else would love her.
He also threatened Jeannie with violence if she told anyone about the abuse, and as she often saw him physically abusing her mother, she says ‘I had no reason to disbelieve him … I never said anything’.
Not long after the abuse began, Jeannie was adopted by her stepfather. She remembers that the authorities were involved in the process. ‘I remember a visit to the house, presumably social services.’
Jeannie adds that the visitor asked if she wanted to be adopted. ‘I knew I didn’t want it because things were happening I didn’t like. I was very much coached on what to say and was never alone with the person. That now seems crazy.’
She thinks that even if she had been seen alone, she might have still been too scared to say she didn’t want to be adopted, but says perhaps the social worker might have detected something was wrong.
Following the adoption, the sexual abuse by Jeannie’s stepfather escalated to rape, and his violent abuse of her mother got worse.
One day, when Jeannie was eight years old, her mother took the children and left the family home. They went to live with relatives and Jeannie never saw her stepfather on her own again.
Jeannie never told anyone about the abuse. She says she had ‘good defence mechanisms’ to help her avoid thinking about it. She liked school, was bright and achieved academically. For many years, she says ‘I don’t suppose there was a lot to see … I did a good job of blocking it all out’.
But in her teenage years, Jeannie began having panic attacks. Her teachers didn’t know what was wrong but they were supportive. They arranged counselling for her, and she persuaded them not to tell her mother.
She thinks that it was around this time that she first realised what her stepfather had done ‘wasn’t right’, and she thinks this was probably triggered by her first sexual relationship with a boyfriend.
Jeannie continued to be affected by the sexual abuse she experienced into her adult years. She suffered with nightmares and flashbacks, she found relationships and commitment difficult, and drank heavily.
In her late 20s, her GP referred her for therapy. Because the waiting list was so long, she funded this herself. It took two years before she could bring herself to talk about the abuse.
Jeannie says that therapy helped her to stop feeling partly responsible for the abuse, helped show her how to trust people and how to show emotion. ‘I was renowned for never crying’ she says.
She had a setback when she saw a television programme that triggered a strong reaction for her, including night terrors and flashbacks. Initially it was difficult to get a GP appointment but she was subsequently prescribed antidepressants and continued with more counselling.
Jeannie says she was fortunate in being able to fund all her counselling and she would like therapy to be more readily accessible to everyone who needs it. She would like to see more support groups for survivors and suggests this could include a ‘buddying’ system.
She stresses the importance of thorough interviews with the child, to be done in private, in adoption procedures.
Jeannie would also like to encourage more open conversation and education around mental health, to reduce the stigma attached to the subject.
She has a career she loves, working with children and young people. She makes an effort to be an approachable and trustworthy figure and would like everyone working in similar professions to do the same.