Jo-Leigh says ‘The people I asked for help couldn’t deal with it or said “deal with it yourself”’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When Jo-Leigh was being sexually abused, she was told by more than one professional that she needed to manage her situation and its consequences herself.
‘So I felt I couldn’t speak to people about it’ she says.
Jo-Leigh was sexually abused by her stepfather over a period of years. Her mother knew, but blamed Jo-Leigh for the abuse, and sexually abused her daughter herself a few times.
Jo-Leigh says that although her mother knew what her partner was doing, she left her children alone with him every day, and even blamed Jo-Leigh for the abuse. She says ‘She would come home and beat the crap out of me, saying “Why did you let him?”’.
Jo-Leigh had brothers and sisters, but her mother singled her out for physical and emotional abuse throughout her childhood, and on some occasions, sexual abuse.
When Jo-Leigh was 16, she told her older sister what was happening to her. Her sister had already left home, and she took Jo-Leigh to the police station.
Jo-Leigh gave a statement and her stepfather was arrested and stood trial. He was convicted and sent to prison. ‘Unfortunately my mother got away with it’ she says.
After the court case, Jo-Leigh was not given adequate support. She continues ‘My sister didn’t live at home and they asked me if I wanted to live with her. I said “yes”’. But her sister was living with people, and she left soon after Jo-Leigh moved in.
Jo-Leigh says ‘...I was still that seven-year-old girl, put into a stranger’s house’.
She remembers having a social worker, but not for very long. She doesn’t recall the social worker helping her, but thinks she may have made a referral to a psychiatrist who Jo-Leigh saw for about a year.
She describes her last visit to him. ‘I remember sitting in his office and he said “There’s nothing I can do for you, you have to help yourself”. That was the last time I went for help.’
Jo-Leigh feels that every time she tried to get help she was ‘fobbed off’ or told to manage. She told her GP she was depressed and was prescribed medication. When she took an overdose, no one asked her why she had.
She continues ‘Teachers in school knew something was going on – I was a dirty scruffy child. Once the head called me into her office and said “You’re clearly having problems at home and you need to sort those out”’.
Jo-Leigh says these kinds of responses made her decide not to talk about her experiences. She says ‘I feel I spent so many years looking for help and I couldn’t get it, that it was easier for me just to be quiet about it’. She suffers with depression and has suicidal thoughts.
She feels it is a huge problem for victims and survivors that waiting lists for mental health services are so long. She would like to see more resources to address this.
Jo-Leigh also comments that when her stepfather was on trial, she was too young to understand what was happening and no one explained the process to her. She still feels angry and disappointed that her mother was not prosecuted for abusing her and allowing her partner to abuse her daughter. Jo-Leigh has since asked the police to explain why her mother was not charged.
Jo-Leigh would also like staff in schools to be vigilant about children who look physically unkempt and isolated from their peers, because they may be at risk of abuse.
Jo-Leigh is now married to a very supportive man and she is devoted to her children. She finds ways of coping with her past, such as walking outdoors. ‘You have to try and find peace in yourself’ she says.