Josiah wonders whether his experience of sexual abuse was ‘only the tip of the iceberg’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Josiah says that the sexual abuse he was subjected to by a leader at an activity club was not ‘life-damaging’, as abuse can be for some people.
However, he wonders whether any of the other boys who went to the club were badly affected by a similar experience.
Josiah grew up in the 1970s and 80s. He liked primary school and writes that although he thinks he was ‘a bit of an oddball, I made friends and had a very happy life’.
When he was about nine years old, lots of his friends were attending a local boys’ activity club, so he begged his parents to let him go too.
Josiah was very excited when they agreed. He remembers that his friends had told him that when they were at the club, they weren't allowed to wear underpants under their shorts. He says ‘I didn't think much of it at the time’, but when he got to the club it was made clear by the adults that this was the rule.
He describes having a really good time at the first session, playing games and running around. But, he continues, ‘It was on the second or third (and last) occasion I attended that things became uncomfortable’.
The boys were taken outside to play football and were told by the adults in charge they would be sent inside individually for 'fitness tests'. Josiah thought this sounded interesting and when he was called, he was happy to go.
He found himself alone with one of the adults. The man timed him running up and down, and doing press-ups and other exercises. The adult then told Josiah to do sit-ups, and put his hands inside Josiah’s shorts, pretending he was steadying him as he was doing the exercise.
Josiah says ‘It really started to feel wrong’. He adds that he doesn’t remember going back outside but he does know he never went back to the club again.
A few years later his family moved to another area.
Josiah didn’t tell anyone what had happened, and says he ‘pretty much blanked it out’ until many years later when he happened to be in the area and walked past the club. He says ‘I started reflecting on that experience and really quite how disturbing the whole thing was in retrospect’.
He says the more he thought about it, the more he wondered whether he had been ‘incredibly lucky … that my own experience was only the tip of the iceberg’.
After stories began to emerge in the media about sexual abuse by football coaches, Josiah decided to get in touch with the club to ask about the adults who had been in charge when he attended, and whether any boys had made allegations of abuse.
The club replied giving the names of three men who were all deceased, and said they were not aware of any other concerns being raised.
Josiah asked the club to keep his story on record in case anyone else did come forward. He then saw an advertisement about the Truth Project and decided to share his experience.
He concludes ‘My experience wasn't life-changing or life-damaging in the way that some people’s have been, but I keep thinking about all those boys at the club, and all the years that have passed since, and the fact they might have been carrying it with them all this time’.