Joyce says that being sexually abused ‘robbed me of my childhood and the person I was meant to be’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Joyce was sexually abused by her older brother for as far back as she can remember.
When she told her parents, they frightened her into withdrawing what she had said.
Joyce writes that the abuse by her brother had been going on so long, and so regularly, that ‘I thought it was normal and happened in every family … abuse wasn’t really discussed like it is today’. The abuse included touching, masturbation and rape.
Believing the abuse was ‘normal’, Joyce mentioned it to a friend in a casual conversation. The friend told a teacher, and the school informed her parents.
They denied and dismissed what Joyce had said, and called her a liar. The school accepted this without any investigation.
Looking back, Joyce feels that staff at her school were too quick and willing to accept her parents’ assertion, and believes they should have explored what she had said further.
Her parents threatened that if she didn’t take back her allegation she would be taken into care and would never see her family again, and this frightened her into saying that she had been lying about her brother.
Joyce says ‘The abuse I suffered as a child has to a degree directly and indirectly impacted on every aspect of my life. It has completely destroyed my trust in anyone even to this day’. She adds that this has affected her relationships.
She suffers from depression, has self-harmed and attempted suicide.
She believes that there should be better specialised training for those who come into contact with children to enable them to recognise the signs that a child may be being abused. She also feels that the stigma of having been abused needs breaking down, so that people feel able to come forward and receive the support they need.
Joyce has children of her own and she says they give her a reason to live and not to self-harm.