Kathleen says the effect of abuse cannot be ignored by society
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Kathleen was a young girl when her stepfather moved into the family home. She already had sisters, and her mum and stepfather then had another girl.
She describes her stepfather as an ‘absolute monster’ and ‘a bit of a psychopath’. She says he tore her family apart and still does, because of the lasting effects of his abuse, violence, manipulation and control.
Kathleen relates that there was no affection in her home, but there was frequent and severe domestic violence. Her stepfather would punch her, and she once got a black eye after he assaulted her. She saw cigarette burns on her younger sister, and says a teacher referred this to the doctor, but nothing was done. Kathleen believes her stepfather never liked her as she was ‘mouthy’.
Kathleen says that one of her sisters has said that she recalls seeing the stepfather dragging their older sister into the bedroom. After this incident, Kathleen’s older sister moved out, but no one said anything about why this was.
When she was about eight years old, Kathleen ran away. She was picked up by the police and social services became involved, but she does not remember being asked any questions.
After this, the family moved to a new house and Kathleen believes that this was to control and isolate them.
One night when their mum was away, Kathleen and her sisters were at home alone when the stepfather came home from the pub and sexually abused her. She was about nine years old and she says she thought that this was ‘normal’. She says her younger sister was sexually abused by him later and when the older sister came back to live with the family, Kathleen would see her stepfather ‘drooling’ over her. He would take her older sister out with him and she would never want to go.
When Kathleen’s mother and her stepfather split up, he was given custody of her younger sister. Kathleen believes that he ‘ground’ her mum down to gain custody and that she had no fight left in her. She says that for the whole time that her stepfather had custody of her younger sister she was being raped by him. Kathleen recalls that her stepfather got a GP to place her younger sister on a contraceptive pill from an early age, Kathleen would have phone calls from her sister not understanding why she was taking the contraceptive pill. Her stepfather had done the same with her older sister and at the same age. Kathleen cannot understand why the GPs in both instances did not question why her stepfather was asking for contraception for girls of such a young age.
He later started a relationship with another woman who had young children living with her. Kathleen heard that he sexually abused the children and it was at this point that she and her sisters went to the police to report their abuse. She says they felt they could not live with themselves if they did not do anything.
Kathleen says she found out from the investigating officer at the court case that the abuse of her and her sisters had been reported to social services, but nothing was done about it. She has since made a complaint to social services.
Her stepfather was sentenced to six years for raping her older sister. He served half his sentence and was put on the sex offenders’ register.
He was found not guilty of abusing the other children he was living with as there was not enough evidence.
Kathleen feels that mental health services should be available to children to help them deal with the trauma of what has happened to them. She believes that lack of support can make people who already feel ‘worthless’ feel worse and cause them to have low self-esteem, addiction, and personality problems in order to cope with the abuse.
Kathleen would like to see more mandatory training in schools for all those working with children to spot signs of abuse. She says that all those working with children must talk with and listen to them and that there should be fundamental change so that society does not ignore the signs of abuse.