Kaz

When Kaz told her family she had been sexually abused as a young child, she was shocked to hear they had suspected that was the case.

She had also been taken to the doctor several times with a recurring urinary infection.

When Kaz was a little girl of about five, her parents would take her to stay the night with her grandparents if they wanted to go out for the evening.

On one of these occasions at her grandparents’ house, Kaz went downstairs crying. ‘I probably wanted to be at home’ she says. Her grandmother was busy in the kitchen and Kaz’s grandfather held her by the arm and took her upstairs. 

He put her in bed and penetrated her with his fingers. She remembers how much this hurt and how his nails scratched her. She now realises that he masturbated while he did this.

She describes her shock and fear. She says ‘I stopped crying and did not make a sound. I remember staring out of the window at a street light, waiting for it to be over. I was so scared ... I didn’t know what to do’.

Kaz’s grandfather abused her in this way on several occasions. She thinks it went on for about a year, until her parents began using another babysitter.

She says ‘It didn’t cross my mind to tell anyone. I just remember when my mum and dad picked me up the next day feeling so happy and relieved’.

When Kaz was in her early 20s, her grandfather died. At this point, she says ‘I had a bit of a breakdown … although he hadn’t abused me for years, it felt like it was over’. 

She had some counselling and told her mother about the abuse, and was shocked by what she heard. It emerged that Kaz’s family had been suspicious she was being abused, and they suspected other family members and a teacher.

Kaz says ‘No one was surprised, and that’s what got me more. I asked why they suspected and they said I went from being very outgoing as a toddler to being really quiet and I stopped talking to people’.

She continues ‘But no one spoke to me. I said “Why didn’t you ask me?”’ She remembers that she hated her grandfather when she was growing up, and would refuse to go anywhere near him. She adds that after his death, other family members told her things about him being a sexual abuser.

Kaz also knows that she was often taken to the doctor with urinary infections. She says ‘That frustrates me, along with my family saying they thought I was being abused’. 

Kaz shared how the abuse has had a significant impact on her life, saying ‘It’s not the worst in the world. I’m sure there’s a lot worse’.

She is afraid of sexual activity because of her memories of how painful the abuse was. She doesn’t want to have children. She asks ‘If my parents couldn’t protect me, how could I protect my own child?’. 

She believes that talking openly about child sexual abuse and educating children at school about the subject is essential. ‘It’s sad, but they need to be taught at an early age’ she says.

She also thinks that medical professionals should always query recurring urinary infections in children. 

Kaz says she tries not to think too much about the abuse she suffered. ‘I think I manage ok’ she says. ‘I try to be a nice person and treat people well.’