Kris was determined to protect his sister from the man who sexually abused him
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
After being moved around different care placements, Kris and his sister were fostered by a social worker.
Kris would not tell anyone his foster father was sexually abusing him, because he was worried that he and his sister would be sent to a children’s home.
When Kris was a toddler in the 1960s, he and his younger sister were taken into care because their mother had a breakdown. Their foster mum became ill and they were sent to live with their father and his wife. But the couple abandoned the children, who were taken back into care.
The children had a social worker called Joey, who fostered them, and they moved in with him and his family.
Joey groomed and sexually abused Kris. This began when Kris was 12 and continued until he left home when he was 18. Joey began by giving Kris alcohol and cigarettes, expensive presents and the best room in the house.
Kris says he used to be a very quiet child, but his behaviour changed as he was being abused and he became rebellious at school. He adds that he always had money for cigarettes and drinks because Joey gave it to him.
A social worker came to see Kris because of concerns about this behaviour.
Soon after this visit, Joey moved the family to another area and the children had to change schools. He recalls ‘Joey’s wife couldn’t work out why we had to move’. Kris thinks Joey did it to reduce the risk of Kris telling the social worker about the abuse.
However, Kris says he would never have said anything in case he and his sister were sent to a children’s home, which he thought would be worse than the life they had with Joey. He says ‘They are terrible places with nasty people … we had the best clothes, the best toys and I had the best room in the house to sleep in’.
Joey and his partner had children of their own, and Kris was protective of his sister and his foster brothers.
He says ‘When the abuse started my childhood was gone’. He continues ‘I had to look after my sister and my brothers and protect them while he was doing what he was doing. They had no idea … I was sheltering them from everything’.
Kris thinks this determination to protect the other children helped him cope with the abuse.
When he was in his 40s, Kris decided to report the abuse to the police because he was concerned Joey might still be abusing children. He praises the response and support he received from the police during the investigation and court case, and says they handled it well. ‘I was impressed with the officer … I felt I could trust him’ he says.
Joey was convicted and sentenced to prison. Kris received counselling within a few weeks of the verdict and says this was very helpful.
Kris says the abuse has not had an impact on his adult life because he has not allowed it to. ‘I am not that bothered about him. I have a good life’ he says.
He is very engaged with his local community and he works to support children who live in poverty. He and his sister and brothers are still very close.