Kyla feels she was let down by the care system and the police
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Kyla’s parents were drug addicts who did not show any love to their children.
After they got divorced, the children were sent to different carers for respite periods. Kyla was sexually abused by the adult son of her foster parents.
Kyla was about 11 years old when she was sent to the foster family for Christmas. The son, Daniel, started asking her inappropriate questions. She says that she had a feeling ‘something bad’ was going to happen to her.
During her two week stay with the family, Daniel came into her room several times and sexually abused her. She describes how frightened she was, and how she ‘froze’. Kyla says that even in front of other people she was petrified, as he would ‘hover’ around her.
She adds that she found it especially hard because it was Christmas, and she had to put on a brave face.
She developed an eating disorder, and began refusing to wash. She recalls that there was no lock on the bathroom door.
Several months later, Kyla told her mother she had been abused, and her mother reported it to social services. Kyla was interviewed by an older male police officer, in what she describes as a very ‘condescending way’ that made her feel ashamed.
No action followed, and after this Kyla says she ‘went off the rails’. She was taken into care and ‘passed from pillar to post’ from children’s homes to foster carers. She became pregnant in her mid teens. The father of her child was violent but she says that having a baby ‘was a blessing that kept me sane’.
Years later, she married a supportive man and told him about the abuse. She went to report it to the police but again, this was not a positive experience. The officer did not seem to have had appropriate training and Kyla says he seemed embarrassed.
Daniel denied the abuse, and also that he had been previously interviewed about it. The police said they could find no record of the earlier report made when Kyla was about 12. They said it was Daniel’s word against hers and they would not be pursuing the case.
Kyla was extremely frustrated and upset by this, and says her life ‘fell apart’ again. She still suffers from an eating disorder and her health has suffered. She has low self-esteem and finds it very difficult to hear any stories about children being hurt or abused.
She feels angry that the foster home was supposed to be a safe place for her but instead she was exposed to a predatory adult, whose actions affected her whole life.
She feels the police did not pursue her case hard enough and that one report by a child should be enough for a prosecution. Kyla thinks it is very important that children should be given sex education at a young age.
Kyla contacted survivor charities so she could speak to people who had been through the same experience, and she has sought help through counselling.
She says she is lucky enough to have a supportive husband and family, and she loves being a parent. She uses mindfulness techniques and reads a lot, to help her control her emotions and get away from her thoughts.