Lindsay says believed ‘calms and soothes you, and you bless the person who believes you’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Lindsay has a disturbing memory of being sexually abused by her uncle when she was a young child.
The trauma caused by the abuse has blighted her life, and she is angry with herself that she was unable to report it when it happened.
Lindsay she thought her Uncle Jim as ‘good fun’ when she was little, but remembers her parents arguing about him taking her out in his car.
She doesn’t know where he drove her, but it was near where they lived. She describes him 'messing about with his lap' and telling her 'show me your knickers'. He was playing with his penis, and he touched her intimately. She remembers saying ‘no, get off’.
He made her to sit on his lap, and she now knows that he was simulating sex with her and trying to penetrate her. It was painful and she remembers kicking him and telling him to stop. He threw her onto the passenger seat, became angry and told her she was a ‘bad girl’.
Lindsay recalls that her uncle dropped her off outside her house on the opposite side of the road, so she had to cross on her own. Later, he told her mum that Lindsay had been ‘really bad’, and her mum told her off.
She says her father questioned her later about where Uncle Jim had taken her, and she heard her parents arguing again about the outing.
At the time her father was a policeman, and Lindsay thinks he suspected something about Uncle Jim. She now knows that Jim was convicted of sexual offences in the 1990s, and her father subsequently told her these dated back to the 1950s. She also believes her mother knew something about her brother, but was ‘in denial’.
When Lindsay was in her early 40s, memories of the sexual abuse started to come back to her. She was referred for counselling, and she made a report to the police.
After some time, the police informed her that Jim had died three years earlier, and they closed the case. She did not feel she was treated with compassion by the police officer who interviewed her, or any of the others she spoke to.
Lindsay still suffers from the trauma of being abused and feelings of self-blame and self-loathing. She says ‘I am so angry with my own mind, that I couldn't remember at a better age and report it'.
She has low confidence, has abused alcohol and finds it hard to trust people. In the past she has made bad choices with relationships, but says her current partner is her ‘soulmate’.
Lindsay feels it is so important for the person who is disclosing to be believed.
She says that during an investigation, regular updates should be given to the victim or survivor, and support needs to be provided, even if the case doesn’t go to court. She would like delays in investigations and court cases to be reduced.
Lindsay also thinks that changes are needed in media reporting of child sexual abuse cases, including possibly not naming the accused during the investigation, as this can hold things up.