Loz wonders if she should have ‘stood up’ to the adults who sexually abused her when she was a child
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Loz was subjected to sexual abuse by a number of different men during her childhood and teenage years.
Despite this, she says ‘Lots of people have had far worse than me’.
Loz grew up in the 1960s and 70s with her parents and brother.
When she was about 10, she was sexually abused by a family friend while she was on a sleepover at their house. ‘My parents trusted him, and I had no reason not to’ she says.
This man was separated from his wife but had children around Loz’s age. During the night he took her into his bed and touched her.
At the time, she only told her best friend at school what had happened, and she can remember hearing gossip that this man was ‘a pervert’.
Loz says even when she did tell her mum many years later, she did not go into many details for fear of upsetting her.
When Loz was a young teenager, she attended a Catholic school. Groups of pupils were sent on residential retreats and left under the supervision of priests. She had a bad cough, and one of the priests used this as a pretext to take her away from the group. He took her to a room and sexually abused her.
Loz says ‘I didn’t feel able to stop him … maybe if I’d been a different person I would have stood up to him’. She still feels that she allows people to take advantage of her.
She didn’t feel she could tell any of her teachers who were on the trip.
When Loz was in her mid teens, a new teacher, Mr Smith, arrived at the school and he began paying her a lot of attention. He would set her challenging work and hail her as a star student in front of the class.
The following year, Mr Smith started giving Loz and one other male student additional lessons to prepare them for university applications. She remembers how the teacher would stare at her. She says ‘I was feeling flattered’ and she thinks he enjoyed the fact she was blushing.
After a short while, Mr Smith told the other student not to continue with the extra lessons. He continued tutoring Loz in a very small office with no windows.
‘He started spending the whole lesson with his hand on my knee … I didn’t know what to do about it’ she says.
This touching continued for about a year, and during this time Mr Smith sent her letters to her home, suggesting they would meet when she was at university. He would invite her and other students to his house, then drive them home, making sure he dropped Loz off last. He started hugging and kissing her, and touching her breasts.
‘I know it was wrong now, but I was flattered. I realise this is how teachers can do this’ she says.
Some time later, Loz heard that some girls had accused Mr Smith of doing the same thing to them at another school.
Mr Smith was suspended but later exonerated of the accusations. Loz says she felt really sorry that the girls were brave enough to make a complaint but were not believed.
Loz experienced further sexual abuse in her late teens by a medical professional when she had a termination. He rubbed his genitals against her during an examination and made a lewd remark. She made a complaint to the clinic but was told he denied the allegation.
‘If someone is determined to do something wrong, they’ll probably always find a way’ she says. But she would like staff to be more aware and vigilant in health settings.
She would also like all relevant staff to take full responsibility for children when they are away from home on trips, and to be constantly vigilant, particularly about other adults being alone with children.
Loz feels it is very important that institutions make it clear who to report concerns to and that complaints are handled with sensitivity. ‘You can’t always stop an incident happening but you can help people to feel safe reporting it’ she says.