Mabon says that he feels ‘awful and empty’ but hopes sharing his experience may help others
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Mabon was returned home from a foster placement to his mother and stepfather, who was sexually abusing him.
He feels strongly there should be stricter checks on parents and adoptive parents.
Mabon was born to a young single mother in the late 1960s. She struggled to cope with a baby and for the first few years of his life, he now knows he was ‘in and out of foster care’. He says she ‘hit me about’ and adds that his social services records note that his mother never really wanted a child.
Mabon’s mother started a relationship with a man called Dave, who adopted Mabon. When Mabon was five years old, Dave sexually abused him.
He describes the abuse as anal penetration that hurt him very badly. He says ‘I could not scream and felt in fear of my life’. He adds ‘I was told it was our secret and I should not tell my mum. I was offered more food if I was cooperative’.
Mabon was examined by the police but the outcome was that ‘the pervert got a slap on the wrist’. He continues ‘In this era this kind of abuse was not punished sufficiently and the social services made huge under-estimations of the situation and potential danger to a minor’.
For a time, Mabon was taken into the care of foster parents but he was returned home to the abuser. Dave continued to sexually abuse Mabon orally and anally. He doesn’t know if his mother knew what was happening, and says that he was also subjected to mental and physical abuse at home.
Labelled ‘disruptive’ at school, at the age of 11 Mabon was sent to a school for children with emotional problems. There he was bullied and sexually abused by three other boys. He says that someone at school witnessed him being abused and reported it to the head, but no action was taken.
During the years he was at this school, he had to continue going home to the house where Dave lived. He was terrified of Dave’s violence and intimidating behaviour, and he would wet the bed.
After Mabon left school he had to spend some time living in a bedsit with the abuser. Dave repeated his threats that he would kill Mabon if he spoke about the abuse. When Mabon asked his adoptive father why he was no longer abusing him, Dave replied that he was ‘too old’.
Mabon describes the effect on him of being abused. He has felt scared and ‘dirty’. He wet the bed until he was in his mid 40s. He has had suicidal thoughts. He has felt confused about his sexuality and finds relationships difficult. He suffers from PTSD and says he needs counselling.
Dave was later convicted and jailed for another child abuse offence. Mabon successfully sued social services and received some compensation for their failings.
Mabon believes there should be a licence for people to be parents and checks to see they are suitable. He adds that there should be much stricter checks on people who want to adopt children.