Maddy says abusive behaviour was normalised in the 1970s with talk of ‘dirty old men’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Maddy grew up in a small town in the early 1970s.
She was sexually abused by a school caretaker. It was only years later she realised the extent of how he abused her.
Maddy and her friends used to play out unsupervised, and she comments that the freedom they had then would seem extraordinary now. Maddy's house was near to the local school so she would use the playgrounds there out of school time.
When she was about eight, the school caretaker of that school befriended her. He encouraged her to show him her homework books, praised her work and gave her sweets.
Over the following three years, the school caretaker groomed and sexually abused Maddy. He got her to touch and kiss his penis, and manipulated her with lies about what they were doing. The abuse escalated to oral sex and rape.
Maddy suffered repeated urinary infections. Her mother took her to the GP and she was frequently prescribed antibiotics, but the reason for these unusual infections for such a young girl were never discussed.
When she was 12 years old, Maddy had become very overweight. She now wonders if she was subconsciously trying to put off the abuser, but in any case, soon after, she says the abuse ‘fizzled out’.
Maddy did not talk to her father about the abuse, or anything else important to her. She describes him as ‘difficult and aggressive’.
She says she did not realise until she was 15 that the caretaker had made her masturbate him. She did talk to friends about some of the abuse but ‘kept it vague’. She was in her 20s when she understood the full extent of how the caretaker had sexually abused her.
Maddy believes that the caretaker targeted her because she was quiet and ‘a bit dreamy’. She also thinks that he abused other children.
Maddy has suffered for a long time with unpleasant dreams. She also has feelings of guilt about the abuse, but understands now she could not have stopped it. She had some counselling, which she found helpful.
When Maddy had her own children, she felt grateful they were boys. She finds it hard to be around girls of the age she was when she was abused because, she says, ‘I don’t like to think of myself being that size’.
Maddy concludes that coming to share her experience with the Truth Project ‘almost feels like an end to it’.