Mariah says ‘We need to invest in children’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Mariah was sexually abused by her father after he returned from active service in the military.
She feels more resources should be directed to victims and survivors, and also perpetrators, to help protect children.
Mariah grew up in a ‘typical, poor 1950s home’. Her father had served with one of the elite combat forces during the Second World War. Her mother later said that when he returned home, he was ‘broken’. He drank heavily and became involved in crime.
Mariah’s father began sexually abusing her when she was a small child, and the abuse continued regularly until she was 12. He would touch her in the bath, often telling her ‘I’m doing you a favour’. He would also bribe her with treats to make her comply with the abuse.
Sometimes her father came to school and took her out. ‘He would say I had a dentist appointment … I didn’t … he was taking me home to abuse me, but no one questioned him’ she says.
Mariah describes her mother as ‘downtrodden’. She saw her being beaten and sexually abused by her father. He was also violent towards her brothers, and would sometimes deny all the children food.
On one occasion in secondary school, staff asked Mariah about strap marks on her back. After this, some people she thinks were social workers came to the family home. Mariah describes how her father ‘talked himself out of it’.
When the social workers left, Mariah’s father threatened her that she would go into a children's home.
She adds that the police often came to the house because of the violence between her father and brothers.
The abuse ended when her father took his own life. By this time her mother was ill, and Mariah and her siblings were sent to live with relatives.
In later life, Mariah told her mother about the sexual abuse. She was shocked and said she had no idea what was happening. Mariah says ‘I never blamed her really … I felt she was as much a victim of him as me’.
Mariah got married and had children, and after some years she began having flashbacks of her childhood experiences. Her GP referred her for therapy, but she says ‘I found it soul destroying. I had buried the memories for so long I didn’t know what to do with them’.
Discovering that her father ‘had been a brave man on D-Day’ was a turning point for Mariah. She said she laid a wreath for him, and on that day ‘I decided to separate the “two men”’. She adds ‘I said the only thing that is making me ill is me, I need to let it go … so I did’.
However, the sexual abuse Mariah suffered as a child has had a significant impact on her life. She has no happy childhood memories. She developed a stammer and found it hard to concentrate and learn at school. She could barely read or write when she left primary school.
Mariah entered into risky sexual behaviour before she married. She has attempted suicide. She dislikes being touched by men, but she adds that her husband is supportive and being married has helped her.
With the help and encouragement of a woman she worked for, Mariah overcame her stammer and trained for a professional career in healthcare.
Mariah feels that to help protect children in the future, there needs to be more awareness about the problem of abuse, and resources for those who feel inclined to abuse children to seek help and support. She would also like to see more support for families that are struggling.
She uses meditation and mindfulness as coping methods. She also finds comfort in listening to other people and helping them.
Mariah’s daughter recently told her ‘l have had a brilliant life and it’s all down to you’.
She says ‘I feel like I’ve lost an awful lot, but I’ve gained a lot more’.