When Marita’s father died, a teacher exploited her vulnerability to abuse her
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
At the age of 13, Marita was distraught when her father died.
A teacher at her secondary school used her distress and grief as an opportunity to groom and sexually abuse her.
Marita relates that she had always been a good student until she lost her father and began to ‘play up’. One day she was sent out of class and told to go to the office of a senior teacher, Mr Smith.
This teacher was in his 50s and he began to show a great deal of interest in Marita. She says at first this felt reassuring to her – she had just lost her dad and her relationship with her mother was ‘not great’.
Mr Smith was very supportive and encouraging of Marita’s interests and hobbies, and he arranged to spend time with her out of school hours. As time went on, he would give her lifts in his car, take her out to see shows and buy her alcoholic drinks.
Marita says that he provided ‘things I was not getting help with at home’ and that at the time, it made her feel ‘empowered and special’. She adds that she now sees that Mr Smith was making her feel indebted to him, and that he was grooming her.
She knows that some teachers noticed that she was receiving ‘special treatment’ from Mr Smith, but the relationship was not questioned. He had the reputation for being a friendly teacher and ‘touchy feely’, and some of his colleagues would joke that Marita was the ‘teacher’s pet’.
He continued grooming her and getting closer to her, and commented that ‘if times were different’, they could be together. He started hugging and kissing her, which made her feel uncomfortable, but she had mixed feelings as he seemed so caring and supportive. He bought her presents and wrote her letters.
Marita says ‘I liked having someone interested in me … I felt important, loved ... at the same time, it made me want to be violently sick. It was a real conflict’.
When Marita was in her mid teens, Mr Smith began asking about her boyfriends and her sex life. She says that around this time, she had started ‘using recreational drugs, going to parties and sleeping with older guys and going off the rails … I was putting myself at risk’.
She describes an occasion when he kissed and held Marita against him and how trapped and disgusted she felt when he ‘shoved his tongue’ in her mouth. At other times, he would touch her inappropriately. But she adds, she felt ‘like it was my fault, like I was looking for the attention’.
Marita says that because her mother was going through a difficult time dealing with the loss of her husband, she never questioned Marita about where she was going or how she was feeling.
The following year, Marita left school and went to college in an attempt to distance herself from Mr Smith. But he pursued her by calling and following her to places he knew she was going to.
Their contact and the abuse eventually ‘fizzled away’ when she was in her late teens.
Through her adolescence and adult life, Marita developed mental health problems, including depression and an eating disorder. She finds it hard to trust men and she feels guilt and shame about the abuse. She has attempted suicide.
Marita now works with adolescents who have suffered sexual abuse and she finds this rewarding. She says it has helped her process the experience.
She says that she sees sharing her experience as a step in her recovery, helping her to feel validated and listened to. She does feel that the school could have done more to protect her.