Marlin says ‘Sixty years is long enough’ to wait to speak about the abuse he suffered as a child
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Marlin’s mother was a devout Baptist and she readily agreed when a church official asked if her son would like to help with tasks in his office.
This man sexually abused Marlin, invoking the supposed anger of God to control him. He later involved other men in the abuse.
Marlin had been ill as a baby and was a frail child who was close to his mother.
When he first began helping the church official, he was four years old, and there were other children present. But the man began to take Marlin into his office and lock the door. He sexually abused Marlin, telling him God was angry with him, and forcing Marlin to say he liked the abuse.
The official then introduced two more men to Marlin and his mother, saying they also needed the boy to help them with jobs. All three men sexually abused Marlin, sometimes together and at other times individually.
Marlin remembers one occasion when one of the men took him on an outing organised by the church. When Marlin wanted to go to the toilet the man took him to a shed and tried to anally rape him. Marlin says he ‘wriggled and squirmed’ to prevent this happening and was hurt in the process. The man masturbated on Marlin and then took him back to the church group, putting on an act of being ‘friendly and kind’.
The abuse continued for about four years. All three abusers regularly told Marlin that he liked the abuse and that there would be bad consequences for him and his family if he told anyone about it.
Marlin sometimes pretended to be ill to avoid going to church. To try and protect himself from being abused he wet the bed and soiled himself. He also used to make sexual gestures when he was at school, but this was taken to be ‘naughtiness’. No one asked how he had sexual awareness at such a young age.
The abuse continued for four years and only ended when the family moved to a different area.
Marlin tried to ‘shut out’ the period in his life when the abuse occurred. After the family moved he stopped going to church and his memory of that time is clouded.
From the age of 12 he began frequenting public toilets and having sex with anonymous men. This continued for many years. He went to university and lived a ‘twin track existence’, joining in with Christian organisations and continuing his risky sexual behaviour. He says he did not see this as abuse but a way of taking back some control.
Gradually, however, Marlin was able to develop friendships that went beyond physical relationships, and a year after he graduated he met his life partner. They were together for nearly 50 years in a good relationship, until his partner died.
Despite this personal happiness and a successful career, Marlin says there were times when he was ‘haunted by nightmares’ in his personal and working life. He had two breakdowns and went to therapy.
It was not until decades after Marlin was abused that he listened to a sportsman give an account of his abuse and finally ‘opened up the box’.
He hopes to find some resolution by speaking to the Truth Project, and says ‘By coming here today and telling someone, I will no longer be complicit’.
Marlin would like children to have access to a forum where they can talk and be believed. He believes adults and professionals should be more vigilant and aware of signs of abuse, and should be taught to recognise sexualised behaviours as possible signs, rather than interpreting such actions as naughtiness.