Mary-Beth says that sexual abuse can be an issue connected with gang culture
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Mary-Beth lived on an urban estate where people knew each other and children played together outside.
But this close community was marred by the presence of an older male teenager who intimidated and threatened the younger children, and sexually abused Mary-Beth and possibly others.
Mary-Beth was 11 years old when she met the older male teenager, who was a neighbour. He was about six years older than her and he was well-known to the children on the estate – Mary-Beth says he ‘ran the show’ manipulating and bullying them like a gang leader.
The neighbour used to wait for her in the alleyway or stairwells leading to her home. He would trap her in a storage room and sexually abuse her. She remembers ‘What he was doing to me was awful ... he was doing stuff to me I didn’t understand. He was so big and I was so little’.
Mary-Beth says she cannot be certain, but she thinks it is likely that he abused other children.
The abuser often delayed her getting home and she was then in trouble with her mother. She says she was seen as a misbehaving child, when in fact she was trapped and powerless. Frightened of repercussions from her abuser and the community, it was some time before she dared to tell a friend what was happening.
But the friend gossiped, her abuser heard what Mary-Beth had said and became even more threatening. She describes being frightened that he would rape her. He carried on abusing her for five years before she ran away from home.
Mary-Beth feels that as an adult she has chosen partners who are controlling and intimidating and that this mirrors the experiences she had with the abuser. Being abused also affected her education and she left school early without qualifications.
She has children and is very proud of their achievements but feels she is over-protective of them.
On the other hand, she says, she feels sad that she was not protected and can see some of the mistakes she has made because of her experience of sexual abuse and lack of supervision from her family. She says ‘We all need a bit of parenting about this’.
Although she says it has taken a long time, Mary-Beth now understands about power and control in bad relationships. She believes it is important to teach children about relationships and sexual abuse, and to have support services in place for children, families and communities.
She adds that communities need to understand more about sexual abuse, which she feels is present in the current gang culture.