Max has worried he is being ‘over-dramatic’ about the impact of being sexually abused
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Max grew up in the years after the Second World War ended. He says that his parents were not neglectful, but ‘not that interested’. He adds that his ‘old-fashioned’ grammar school considered that ‘children should be seen and not heard’.
He has questioned why he did not tell anyone that he was being sexually abused by his uncle, but says he now realises that nobody recognised sexual abuse at that time.
As a child, Max remembers he enjoyed the freedom of regular camping trips with his uncle, aunt and cousins. But when he was about 10 years old, his uncle started to sexually abuse him in the tent Max shared with his cousin. The abuse, which included touching and masturbation, also happened at his uncle’s house and continued for several years.
The abuse ended after one occasion when he was afraid his uncle was going to rape him, but somebody came to the house. He thinks this made his uncle fear that he might be found out, so he stopped.
Some time later, Max disclosed the abuse to a religious minister, who responded ‘never mind; you’ll get over it’. He feels the minister had had no training to deal with the situation and was very nonplussed by it.
He describes how the abuse affected his male friendships as an adult, making him extra vigilant about their motives. He feels the abuse exposed him to a ‘twisted sexuality’ at a young age, and this meant he was unable to work out his own sexuality.
He adds that he worried the abuse he suffered might make him ‘become homosexual’. He says that through counselling, he realised that the abuser was a paedophile and that homosexuality was not the issue.
Following a bereavement, Max suffered a breakdown and spent some time in hospital. He started to become aware of the impact the abuse had on him but says that at times he questioned how ‘severe’ it was and whether he was being ‘overdramatic’.
He now recognises that the sexual abuse his uncle committed was ‘awful and unforgivable’.
Max says that over the years, he has asked himself why he didn’t speak out about the abuse at the time, but he now understands the reasons he didn’t. Not only was sexual abuse not recognised, he knows he would not have had to the language to describe it, or had any confidence that he would be believed.
He adds that the abuse has made him feel angry but recognised also that it has given him empathy with children experiencing difficulties. He believes that people should be trained to actively listen to children and follow up suspected problems. He uses his insight and experience working in schools, raising awareness of indicators of abuse.