Meriel says churches should be more concerned for victims of abuse than about their reputation
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Meriel was brought up as a Jehovah’s Witness.
When an older boy in the congregation sexually abused her, the Elders asked her family to ‘keep it quiet’.
The boy who abused Meriel was a family friend. The abuse began when she was about four and went on for 10 years. She told her parents what was happening when she was 11, but they did not believe her at first.
However, when another girl in the church said the same boy had sexually abused her too, Meriel’s parents realised she was telling the truth. Meriel says she doesn’t blame them for not believing her at first. She says ‘I was pretty messed up’.
Her parents reported the abuse to the Jehovah’s Witness Elders. They commented how ‘damaging’ reports of child sexual abuse had been for the Catholic church. They told Meriel’s parents it was ‘OK’ to report the abuse to the police, but said the family must not tell anyone else.
Meriel’s parents did report the abuse to the police. The abuser was given a caution for indecent assault and said the family could take civil action. Meriel says ‘We didn’t, because it would look bad on the religion’.
Not long after this, Meriel ran away from home. She got into a car with a stranger, who raped her. She had no trust in the police, so she didn’t tell them. Nor did she tell her parents until several years later.
Meriel has self-harmed, and suffers with anxiety, depression and PTSD. She struggles to trust anyone and feels she has made many bad decisions which have put her in difficult situations, including violent relationships. She says ‘There was a big part of me that hoped someone would kill me and get the job over and done with’.
When she was in her 20s, she was attacked again, this time by a man she met online. She reported this to the police but they said that because of her poor mental health they didn’t think they would secure a conviction. She felt shamed by this.
Meriel is concerned that religious organisations worry more about their reputation than protecting victims and survivors of abuse. ‘I imagine this has prevented a lot of people from coming forward’ she says. She adds that putting the needs of the victims and survivors first is ‘the most meaningful change that could be made’.
She feels there were signs in the way she behaved in school that things were going wrong in her life and that teachers should be persistent in trying to discover what lies behind behaviour.
Meriel also thinks that because the first person who sexually abused her was not much older than her, the police didn’t think it was ‘that bad’.
She has a daughter, who she says is the best thing that has happened to her. ‘She’s amazing.’
Meriel has had support from her local mental health team and has been given therapy and counselling. ‘It hasn’t worked yet, but I’ve just got to keep trying’ she says.